So, so tired

Sunday was a disasterous day in terms of Jessi's asthma. She had a nasty day, and then in the middle of the night I had to take her to the hospital. But of course with my car being unreliable, nanna had to come get us and take us. We were there for well over an hour. They said her oxygen saturation levels were fine but could see she was in respitory distress. She ended up with more oral steroids and me being lectured on the maintenance of her asthma. It isn't even a maintenance issue!

Turns out yesterday was worse :( I kept her home from school mainly as I was so tired. As it was she spent all morning coughing and you could really see her chest sucking in and her tummy doing the breathing. She threw up once while at my cousins Stacey's. We spent the morning down there to meet her new arrival Alexander and played with Eli while Shania was at school. It was a nice morning but for poor Jessi feeling so yuck. So she had a big sick and felt a lil better, but you could see she was getting tired.

We had to go to see the dr that afternoon anyway, which was kinda good. It was so cold in the waiting room from the aircon that I asked for a towel or something to put on her. They gave me a nice warm blanket (from a special cupboard that keeps them heated!!). Lucky too as Jessi spewed everywhere! The blanket wore it rather than Jess. So we waited, and waited, and waited. We got there at 1:40pm as our apt was for 1:45pm. We didn't leave the hospital until 4:15! Jessi was tired and irritable. Skye was there too as she needed to have her hand looked at so we went to her house for a while after. Jess was well and truly asleep by 7pm last night. She was just exhausted from fighting to breath all day. I am less than impressed with my dr at the moment and have asked to see our pediatrician again. I wont see her til June though as she only visits the country area every 6mths. Jess has been complaining of sore knees a lot and I asked about that and all he said was "it's a bit hard to tell with kids of this age" and left it at that! Didn't ask Jessi about it, didn't look at her. Nothing. Just sat typing at his computer and said it as a passing comment.

Last night I was a wreck. I spent ages on the phone to mum crying and just wanting to scream. It's all so unfair sometimes. I think I made mum feel bad by her not being here to support us or help us. Plus she couldn't talk long as her recent phone bill is $1200! After I got off the phone I still wasn't feeling much better so I called Kaz and asked her to call me back. We had a nice chat. I am so pleased to hear she got the mature age apprenticeship she wanted! I am so very proud of you Kazza, love you heaps and miss you so very much.

I got a water bill yesterday too. So now I have every single bill I could possibly have. I don't know what I am going to do about the car. I need it, for Jessi. But I can't afford to repair it or get another. I am in such a bad place at the moment. I really do need a break, or for something to break! An anonymous inheritance would be a life saver at the moment. Just to pay the bills and fix the car and to know I can afford Jess' meds. She needs bath oil and I just don't have $33 to buy it right now. So yup, her skin is still nasty too. I see the psychologist tomorrow. I don't think 45mins is going to be long enough *lol*. I need something, I just don't know what. Something..