Monday, March 19, 2007

So, so tired

Sunday was a disasterous day in terms of Jessi's asthma. She had a nasty day, and then in the middle of the night I had to take her to the hospital. But of course with my car being unreliable, nanna had to come get us and take us. We were there for well over an hour. They said her oxygen saturation levels were fine but could see she was in respitory distress. She ended up with more oral steroids and me being lectured on the maintenance of her asthma. It isn't even a maintenance issue!

Turns out yesterday was worse :( I kept her home from school mainly as I was so tired. As it was she spent all morning coughing and you could really see her chest sucking in and her tummy doing the breathing. She threw up once while at my cousins Stacey's. We spent the morning down there to meet her new arrival Alexander and played with Eli while Shania was at school. It was a nice morning but for poor Jessi feeling so yuck. So she had a big sick and felt a lil better, but you could see she was getting tired.

We had to go to see the dr that afternoon anyway, which was kinda good. It was so cold in the waiting room from the aircon that I asked for a towel or something to put on her. They gave me a nice warm blanket (from a special cupboard that keeps them heated!!). Lucky too as Jessi spewed everywhere! The blanket wore it rather than Jess. So we waited, and waited, and waited. We got there at 1:40pm as our apt was for 1:45pm. We didn't leave the hospital until 4:15! Jessi was tired and irritable. Skye was there too as she needed to have her hand looked at so we went to her house for a while after. Jess was well and truly asleep by 7pm last night. She was just exhausted from fighting to breath all day. I am less than impressed with my dr at the moment and have asked to see our pediatrician again. I wont see her til June though as she only visits the country area every 6mths. Jess has been complaining of sore knees a lot and I asked about that and all he said was "it's a bit hard to tell with kids of this age" and left it at that! Didn't ask Jessi about it, didn't look at her. Nothing. Just sat typing at his computer and said it as a passing comment.

Last night I was a wreck. I spent ages on the phone to mum crying and just wanting to scream. It's all so unfair sometimes. I think I made mum feel bad by her not being here to support us or help us. Plus she couldn't talk long as her recent phone bill is $1200! After I got off the phone I still wasn't feeling much better so I called Kaz and asked her to call me back. We had a nice chat. I am so pleased to hear she got the mature age apprenticeship she wanted! I am so very proud of you Kazza, love you heaps and miss you so very much.

I got a water bill yesterday too. So now I have every single bill I could possibly have. I don't know what I am going to do about the car. I need it, for Jessi. But I can't afford to repair it or get another. I am in such a bad place at the moment. I really do need a break, or for something to break! An anonymous inheritance would be a life saver at the moment. Just to pay the bills and fix the car and to know I can afford Jess' meds. She needs bath oil and I just don't have $33 to buy it right now. So yup, her skin is still nasty too. I see the psychologist tomorrow. I don't think 45mins is going to be long enough *lol*. I need something, I just don't know what. Something..

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Experimentation and Explosions

This weekend my friend Skye burnt her hand pretty bad while emptying hot oil from the deep fryer at work. I had to babysit her and her kids hesterday *hehe* She was doped up on morpheine and her kids are all under 5, so a bit much for her what with nappies to change and bottles to make etc. I didn't mind. Was a nice excuse to spend the day with her.

Before I went to Skye's I picked up a pair of 4mm knitting needles and some of the 8ply yarn Chantelle RAoK'd me. I didn't know why or what I hoped to achieve, i just wanted to knit. I never before realised alternating rows of knit and purl makes a lovely flat fabric. So I knitted this fabric for a while then started decreasing. I decided to make a little top for Skye's daughter Hayley (8mths). It was waaaaay too small :D But, rather than admit defeat and give it to a doll I grabbed a crochet hook and adapted it. I will admit it looks a lil too much like a bib *hmm*.

So today I decided I best make one for Chloe too! Again using 4mm needles and yarn from Chanti. It was a variegated jewel tone yarn and the pink was not blending how I wanted. I didn't know how to combat this problem as I didn't want the pink to keep bunching up in one corner. I decided to try eyelets as they use less yarn and I thought it would help redistribute things. It did, after like 3 lots of eyelets!! It looks nice, I am happy with it. i crocheted the straps and a little trim across the bottom. I will have to take photos when I get the girls in them. I just hope Chloe's fits! I haven't had her near by to check size and shape.

Meanwhile, Jessica has been in an awful mood tonight! Her asthma has been bad today. When she got home from nannas this evening she was soooo irritable and itchy and grumpy and teary. Gosh it was full on. Her hands had been bandaged for the past 2 days as her eczema was awful and I was trying to prevent infection and such. She is really good about it, doesn't mind at all. I think she feels it's quite a novelty. Chloe decided she wanted a bandage last night too. As Jessi and her mummy had one she wanted to fit in. She was sad Tallis couldn't have one too. She really doesn't like her lil bro to miss out. It's one of the rare times I see sweetness in that child.

I'm still all unsure about that email last week. It hasn't even been a week! A week tomorrow, Monday. Not today. I made a phone call today and that REALLY helped. Amazing how different talking on the phone is. Oh god, I got my first phone bill since I went to a mobile plan too... yeouch *lol*. But it is home phone combined as well so it isn't all bad. Just at the moment with a car about to die completely, phone, power and gas bills pending it's a bit much. Not to mention how Jessi's dad is conveniantly back on the dole so I wont be getting any child support. Financially my life is up the creek at the moment! Nah, I think the whole lot is up the creek. I mean seriously, when you go to the Dr and ball your eyes out knowing he is going to put you back on anti-depressants there has to be a problem. Oh lets not forget the psychologist apt this Wednesday.

I need to take Nichola to Esperance in a couple of weeks to see her specialist and then in a week or two after that I have to take her back to have the baby!! How exciting. Oh, she left a card in my door today. I found it when I woke up. She tells me what a great friend I am and wonderful mum and that she hopes I feel better soon cos she knows I've been down. You know something? It's the first time a friend has ever done that for me. It's usually me who does that for them. It was so lovely.

Mum called tonight to ask who was killed in a car accident here over night. It was on the news, but no names mentioned. I hear from gossip that it was a 'P' Plater, and non local. Whoever it was, RIP. Jessi misses mum heaps. When mum was on the phone Jess asked if she was coming home tonight :( Between mum and Darren (Jessi's dad) leaving, Jess has taken it hard. She was talking this evening about school and she was all funny. I mean, she wasn't in the best mood as I have already mentioned, but this wasn't good. She said she didn't want to go to school as she doesn't want to leave me all alone... I don't know why this is suddenly an issue. She said she will miss me but she says that a lot, and I reinforced that I will be there at the end of the day to get her and we will be together again. Then she said "I don't want to do anything without my mummy". It was really very sweet but it is also very concerning. I don't know what to do. I hope she goes to school ok in the morning as I am not sure how I will handle it if she doesn't. Please let this phase pass soon.. I promise her all the time I will never leave her, but what if the unthinkable happens? What if I die? Will she forever hate me for breaking that promise??? I love her so so so much *tears*

I think seeing this psych is probably a good thing, my head is about to explode!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Minnee minnee me!!

I've been at it again with the miniatures. I just love them, I think they're super sweet!! No idea what I will do with any of them *giggle*. The rabbit was really fun to make, though I still find it hard to see the "rabbit". It looks more to me like a dog. The bear is all the same pattern but for the ears and tail. I don't like the bear. I think his ears look way too big and sewn on badly. That's my fault though, not the designers. I love love love the bunny tail!! I am so glad she found a way to crochet it and not just stick on a pompom. These are the Lazy Days Set (part 1 of 3) from Kristies Kreations Etsy Store.

I thought it would be interesting to see just how small I could go with oldbaglady's Baby Snow Dragon pattern. This little mauve masterpiece is number 20 cotton and a 1mm hook!!! OMG does it feel like crocheting with little pebbles when that small. Ouchies on the fingers! The little mauve dragon is quite a bit smaller than the ecru one. You know, I don't think I like the mauve one at all. It's disproportioned. I wish there were an easier way to assemble these things as my sewing skills really aren't improving.
This coming couple of weeks there are so many birthdays! My cousin had a baby on Monday morning, Jessie (my friend from Crochetville who just lost her hubby) has a bday on the 17th, my nanna on the 20th, friend Skye on the 21st then April 1st is my friend Helen and my cousin Joseph and I share the 5th. Wonder if my mum will get me anything this year. It was a lawn mower last year. Great pressie but bring on the sewing machine or digital camera!! Jessi keeps asking if it is my birthday yet as we had to keep telling her that Stacey's baby came first. In her lil mind, Stacey has the baby so it must be mummy's birthday already *lol*. Gotta love em!!
Jess had kindy again Wed and I got 2 phone calls. The first asking if I could come down as Jessi had thrown up and said she wasn't feeling well. I told them on the phone it was probably asthma as I wasn't sure if they would have given her ventolin. I grabbed a change of clothes and raced to the school. Luckily all that was dirty was her jumper, so she didn't need the change of clothes. I left them in her pigeon hole just in case! She was fine, she wasn't feeling well but would you after vomitting in front of your whole class? So I sat on the mat with her and the kids and played a while. I asked if I could go home and she nodded and gave me a big hug. She really was fine. I suspect it was the apple she'd been eating at fruit time. Sometimes she can eat a whole apple without incident, and other times it makes her throw up. No idea why as she isn't allergic, I've had her tested. The second phone call was cos I ordered her lunch from the school canteen but they don't have white bread. Something I wasn't aware of. So the teachers aid was wondering if Jess was allowed wholemeal bread. I suggested they don't give it to her as I never have and I am not sure if she would react. They told me they have white bread in the freezer and could make her another sandwich. No need to go back to the school, yay! When she came home that afternoon she told me she wasn't allowed her tiny teddies at recess. I asked her why not and she said Miss Ross said they have hazelnuts in them. I asked her what she ate and she said her tiny teddies. Ok, I was confused. "I thought you said Miss Ross wouldn't let you?". "yeah, but Sharon [teachers aid] said I could". Ok good, at least she ate. Why would they think something I send her would make her sick?? Seriously...
I am a bit crocheted out from all those miniatures. I am not feeling the best emotinally anyway. Been a lot to deal with recently then I got an email. One email and it's thrown out my entire week. I'm not sure what to do. Nanna is in Kalgoorlie getting her eyes operated on. Can't wait til this week is over :D

Monday, March 12, 2007


I just finished this totally ADORABLE little dragon, who stands all of 2.5 inches tall!! The pattern is on Crochetville and the very clever oldbag lady designed it. Again, this is typically a yarn pattern but I have chosen to make it in #10 crochet cotton and a 1.65mm crochet hook. 2 x 4mm gold pearl beads make his eyes look really neat! He's still learning to be ferocious and as a lil babe can only manage a squeek thus far. Jessi insisted on the ribbon around it's neck. It does make it look "complete" but I am not sure if I will leave it there.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

So much happening, so lil time to comprehend it

Well, after Jessi's last allergy attack which happened on the Monday, we had another on the Thursday! This time it was my own stupid lack of judgement and I fed her carrot cake. Completely forgetting it had walnuts in it! Her lip got sore (not so much swelled, but went a puss-yellow colour), her cheek broke out in hives and her eye went very red. Of course.. straight back to the hospital where she politely puked everywhere!! I spoke to her teachers aid about this as 2 reactions in a week in the home is bad enough, let alone the thought of what would happen at school. So.. she arranged for either the class teacher or herself to be present at meal times, to help ease my mind. I am so grateful to them!

She had school photos on Friday. They called her first for the individual portraits and she scoweled!! Refused to smile or cooperate. She doesn't like being the centre of attention and she had to go first, so she didn't get to see anyone else do it before she had to. One mum Jean had to take her son home. He just wouldn't have anything to do with the whole process. Even the class photo! They did the class photo in the sand pit, 2 kids sitting on bikes and the rest lined up on huge plastic cubes. You know something... My babe is the smallest kid in the WHOLE SCHOOL! They did a whole school photo also, which my girl is also in.

I've crocheted Jessi a fairy "comfort blanket" for those times she is in hospital, or when we go away etc. She likes to have something from home. She loves this blanket already! The pattern was designed by Ferosah Harold ( and her intent was a filet fairy wall hanging. She wrote about my making it in yarn here I didn't ask Jessi to lay like that on the fairy, she asked to lay on it and I said yes to show how big it is, and she splayed herself out. Looks cute huh! The fairy is something like 48" long!!

This weekend was the local horse races. It's gotten very small in years gone by and somehow still manages to be the years #1 social event. There were only 5 horses in most of the races, less horses in a few others. We took along Jessica's friend Chloe. She and Jess seems slightly inseperable these days. Which is nice in a way :) I went out after the races and once again I was invisible. I spent half the night at the table alone as my friends kept going off to gamble, dance, smoke etc. I was almost in tears (they were there but I refused to blink and let them fall) as it was quite clear how "alone" I am. When Cissy wandered off, no one else came near me. They only talk to me when she is about. I hate being so shy!

I must have fairies on the brain at the moment as I have made a little 3D one. It was supposed to be made in yarn, but I made it in thread. The pattern is by Kristen of Kristie's Kreations Etsy store. This is the "Blushing Becca" pattern with a couple of small mods. My first time using "doll hair" and I made a total mess of it....!!! She is about 3" tall.

My friend Jessie from Crochetville has just suddenly lost her hubby. He was found dead by his car. It's so sad as he was only 34, Jessie almost 29 (this week) and their daughters just 5 and 2. I ordered Jessie a nice bunch of flowers and a teddy for each of the girls. I hope she likes them. Flowers seem so insignificant at a time like this. I wish there I were more I could do. I guess it is all up to Jessie now. These are the flowers I bought FTD Big Hug Bouquet (apt name, no?). I wish flowers weren't so expensive! At such a time and so unexpected, it is a lot of money to find.