Shell's Shambles

The perfectionist in me

2011-07-02T21:13:00.001-08:00

I like "finishing" details. Those little touches that adds something classy and complete looking. Sad thing is the most I ever do is top stitching! I am a big fan of top stitching.

Something about those neat little rows of stitches holding down seam lines and emphasizing your fabrics really works for me. In my mind, it also looks much cleaner and neater. My problem is that I never have the finished product looking as professional and well constructed as I imagine.

I can spend hours upon hours of cutting careful, lining things up precisely, stitching slowly, serging, changing threads, using alternate presser feet. It never works. Always some major stuff up that stands out like a sore thumb.

By the same token, if I want to make something look grungy and rough it looks too prissy and perfect. Go figure!

As winter sets in

2011-06-28T03:24:00.000-08:00

I can't avoid mentioning my blogging absence. It's sort of my "thing" so it hardly seems worth mentioning it's just that so much happens in that time.

To be honest, I don't even know WHY it happens. Overwhelmed, under-whelmed.. who knows. Sometimes I think it all just gets too much reading about the perfect lives of perfect people in the blogesphere. Techinicaly we all know each other isn't perfect but who am I kidding?! Some of these mums with their baking and sewing and happy kids and magazine perfect photos.. they make me sick. It's nice for a while to read their blissful words and their pics really aren't to be complained about as they're so wonderfully composed. But when you're struggling to make ends meet, keep the child alive and drudge through each and every dreary day just to start the next one it's not always so blissful. More like a huge kick in the face.

Jessica's health has been reasonably good this year. Her eczema is looking far better than ever (in her whole life - ever!). She still has to travel to Perth frequently to see doctors and monitor her medications and progress. Anaphylaxis hasn't been an issue but minor allergic reactions and hayfever etc have all been pretty uncomfortble. As I write this in my sleep deprived state I am reminded how disruptive her asthma has been the last few days. Neither of us have had much sleep while she coughs her lil lungs up all night long. She's feeling pretty run down and having more time off school. To top it off, at her last check up in Perth her doctors are concerned she hasn't gained any weight in over 6mths. Will be interesting to see what this means for us on our visit in July.

I started a new job! Way back in January.. I love it :) Suits me really well. I am kept active enough both physically and mentally, working with people and given a huge chunk of responsibility. I am working in an Australia Post Licensed Post Office and from the moment I was hired (head hunted!!) I was told it would be semi managerial. I say semi as in a small, privately owned business there is no need for a "manager" per say, except when the owner is away. This is what she intended. For me to run the show so she CAN go away. I wasn't looking for work. I was still trying to overcome the inadequacies and apprehensions my last job created for me on a personal level. When I was asked to take this position I baulked, but told her I'd give it a go. Never expected to LOVE IT and not complaining that I do :) It's been good in many ways. It got me out of my reverie, has me socialising even if it is only at a seeing people at work level and reinstating some long lost confidence. I've learned so much. The business has been on the market for a number of years and now my mum has put in an offer and really hopes to be the successful purchaser. Finance permitting. This will be a whole other can of worms that I will leave closed until it bursts open.

I have been creating. Nothing fancy. A toy here, a piece of clothing there. Some hand sewing, embroidery, wood working.. Baby steps. I always have these big plans and get so annoyed at myself when they don't come to fruition.

Here's some recent items

I hand pleated some fabric to attempt smocking.. but I don't know how to smock haha

Baby dress for my 7mth old cousin - pattern from Ottobre

A top/tunic for Jessica - pattern McCall's

Library bags I made Jessi and our 2 cousins for school this year

Jessi's 8th birthday cake. Could have been better if the 45C heat wasn't melting it!!

Dummy (pacifier) chain, heandband and baby shoes for my 3mth old cousin

Still working on finding peace with myself, my actions, my words and my feelings. Fingers crossed I get there one day soon as I feel like life is flying by and I am only a spectator, but also feel like I am completely unable to change it.

Needed some colour

2010-11-13T21:45:00.000-08:00

I just updated my blog layout. Not sure I am 'in love' with this design (Grunge-Floral via BTemplates.com) but I think I am simply too fussy. Who'd have thought?

My sincere apologies to anyone who happened across my blog while I was in the process of changing things up. It took me many hours, and many trials, to settle on this particular template. So many are too monochromatic (like my last one (Girly-Diaries via BTemplates.com) or there are just elements I like and not the overall look. I'm not clever enough with graphics to design my own.

Still getting over this cold, but otherwise all is well. Will pop in with something to show soon!

Today is the first anniversary of my best friend, Karen. I text her to wish her a happy anniversary and found her to be in Manila, Philippines!! She's finally meeting her husbands family, which is so wonderful.

A sweet blessing

2010-11-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

Terrible photos take on the spur of the moment with my mobile phone, who I know's camera is damaged (erm, does anyone else drop their phone 50 times a day? hmm..).

Miss Cadence, the newest member of our family, asleep in my arms.

Jessica enjoying a nice long cuddle with the little cutie, Cadence.

My hay fever is officially a cold. I was out most of it most of yesterday. Had to call nan and ask her to drop Jessi at school as I felt like I could barely stand. Then last night a friend is txting me all worried because she'd just been diagnosed with Shingles and was worried maybe I'd get them too as she'd asked me to check them for her. I called HealthDirect and they told me it's unlikely but gave me symptoms to be aware of etc. HealthDirect is a brilliant government initiative! I have used it more than once. Basically it is a 24hr advice line staffed by registered nurses. For those times you're unsure if you need to go to the hospital, or like me last night needing to check the factuality of information my friend was reading on the internet, it's extremely useful.

In the mail today Jessica and I received an invite from Ronald McDonald House to attend a Christmas party they're hosting in conjunction with ANZ bank called ANZ All 4 One Xmas ExtragagANZa. We'd be invited because we've been registered to stay at RMH before, although we never stayed as they mucked up our booking. I REALLY want to take Jess but it's barely 2 weeks after our trip to Perth for doctors and I can't even afford that trip. I might have to do some major sucking up to my mum!! She will miss more days of school, but at this point is that really an issue?

McHappy Day is just 2 days away Aussies, please get your BigMac and support RMHC. The work RMHC does is magnificent. Until you're in a position to need their services, you really have no idea. You can always donate online, too.

Nov 13 also marks my nephew Hayden's 2nd birthday!! I am sad we can't be with him on the day, but we will see him soon enough :)

Obligatory snaps

2010-11-08T18:44:00.000-08:00

Jessica was in no mood for photos. This was taken 28 Oct 2010 before school. I made only her skirt and the 'scarf' in her hair. The t-shirt is something she already owned and the leggings... she really could have gone without the leggings! But, as she likes to climb I must be thankful she considers her modesty. The headscarf is waaaaay too big. I know this. Thank you for noticing it too.

Georgina and Jessica... wow these two are hard work. Georgina didn't want to get out of the car. Neither of them looked happy about being dressed up, yet both of them had been so excited in the lead up. Jessi LOVES that costume. The pettiskirt is horrendous and is fraying nylon crap all over the place, but that didn't stop her wearing it 3 days in a row. Maybe if I get a tealight I can singe the edges a little to stop (or even slow) the fraying.

My friend Cissy and I at the Workers Club Halloween party, 30 Oct 2010 (it's a bit hard to have a party on a Sunday night lol). Cecilia is wearing a 1920's dress she ordered for the last Murder Mystery night which arrived 2 days after the event, a $30 feather boa, $55 shoes, had her nails not only manicured but acrylics applied, fake bullet wound tattoos, fake blood, and she left at home her big old fashioned cigarette holder (like this) with fake cigarette all bought for the occasion. I, on the other hand, frantically scrambled to make myself a costume, any costume, with supplies on hand.

I am sooooooooooo proud of myself!!!!

(did you hear that? it's probably the only time you ever will so please take note!)

I am not a "someone" or a "something", I am merely wearing a costume. I aimed for Regency, and I think I may have pulled it off. Sort of. This would have been more a day dress or something. If you don't know what the Regency era was, think of movies like Pride and Prejudice, Emma.. Anything Jane Austen!!

(It reminds me of an oversized nightgown/christening gown)

I had no more than 3 fabrics to choose from. I rarely buy more than 2.5m of any one fabric and I needed roughly 4m for this ensemble. It should have been in a small floral print and is instead in this funny little dotty cotton where the dots are ties of cotton. I really didn't want to use this fabric, I was saving it for something for me. Let's face it, I save too much "for good" and never get any use out of it what so ever.

I DID NOT USE A PATTERN! At all.. It was all from my own head and playing around with the manequin. Although I have a plus size manequin, that darn thing is nothing like me and it took a bit of work to get it from there to me. All piece by piece. I worked out the front bodice and then the back, realising I needed to have a slightly odd side panel too.

I chose pastel pink for contrast only because I have a gorgeous pink shawl I bought at an op shop and rarely get to use. I already had the wide ribbon, the lace on the sleeves threaded with narrow pink ribbon, the pearls and flower in my hair. The pearl necklace is something I wore to a school ball. Possibly year 9 (so, age 14.. half my life ago lol). My friend bought me some narrow cream ribbon for the lacing loops and some flat lace for the hem as well as the pink lacing used in the corest style back all for under $10. Overall, I don't think this dress cost me more than $25. The fabric itself was no more than $6/m when I bought it. I know this because I am mega stingy!! (or mega broke, you decide). The bodice and sleeves are fully lined with some heavy, but soft, creamy fabric I got in a remnants bag and the weight of it helped to hold the sleeves up, giving them that "poof" they needed. The panel in the back (under the corset style lacing) is only fixed down one side and held with press studs (snaps) on the other. I was curing my hair and nanna was behind me sewing in snaps! It's a little hard to do those things for yourself lol.

The skirt is two fabric widths pleated to fit (yay for dotted fabric, no measuring required haha) and a press stud to hold the last pleat under the centre back bodice in place. It needed to open slightly to get it off and on. All hidden under the wide ribbon sash. I styled my own hair. It's not what I wanted but it sufficed.

I was sitting there curling the front when nanna took this photo lol

I have no 'in progress' pics, I could go back and take some but I know no one is really that interested. I started with the mannequin and made it as 'me' shaped as it would allow and using super fine interfacing I marked a centre line, lined it up with the centre front of the mannequin and drew all over it with a Sharpie! I hand stitched in some gathers, pinned pleats etc and marked it all in black texta. I removed the interfacing from the mannequin and all the pins and tacking stitches, and traced it onto baking paper. Using an old bed valance I cut out my 'pattern pieces' with the baking paper pattern. Sewed up the hideous green valance pieces and tried it on. Too big. More tucking, pinning, tacking, drawing on.. until I got something that fit. Scribbled all over the green fabric in biro, sharpie and pencil marking different things. Undid all the stitches etc and the green fabric became my final pattern. Re-cut the pieces in my good fabric and lining. Then sewed it all up and put it back on the mannequin to work out sleeves. Had to cross my fingers the sleeves worked, and 'poofed' appropriately. The corest-y back was the very last thing I did, after the skirt was sewn on etc. I had no real idea how to make it work, and was worried I'd have to concede defeat and use a zipper. I also nearly forgot to sew an underskirt! I didn't have enough fabric to line the skirt so I cut some white jersey very randomly and serged some elastic to the top and serged up a seam. No one could see the underskirt so it was terribly rushed and imperfect but by this stage I wasn't fussed. Considering I was still at the serger/sewing machine 3hrs before leaving the house, and the last minute finishing touches nanna was adding, I was grateful just to be done!

I had a good night out. Well, I appreciated the getting out!! Above is myself, Ange (Georgina's mum and my ex-coworker) and the barmaid Danielle leaning over the bar to get in on the action :)

This was the night before all the headaches started. I have one again today and I am wondering if it is related to the hay fever I have right now.

I have Jessica home with a nasty cough too. She missed a day of school last week also. It was the athletics carnival on a 36C degree day! I told her teacher she wouldn't be attending. It was way too hot to make them run around in the sun, she can't wear appropriate footwear due to her latex allergy, and she is under strict orders from her dermatologist not to get sunburnt because of the pills she is on. I felt a little bad about it, like I should be encouraging participation.. but let's face it. Not all kids are athletes anyway.

The weather is still bouncing between about 18C and 36C but we've been forecast 40C this week too. Not looking forward to the summer heat if we're already getting such high temps.

Head. Hurts.

2010-11-08T05:04:00.002-08:00

Oh my gosh, throw me back in the 'Bad Blogger Corner'. I have hardly even thought of blogging the last few weeks and only today did I catch up on reading them. Some people blog crazy, insane amounts (this compared to my own inability to set any kind of routine!!) and reading page 1 wasn't enough for their blogs. I've had some insane headaches of late and I am not enjoying them one bit!

Halloween was fine. Jessi happily trotted off to school in her costume and I spent a week at my sewing machine making myself something to wear for a night at the pub (bar) with friends. Neither of us wore anything at all spooky, ghosty, ghouly, creepy or gross. Just a costume. As far as I am concerned Halloween is a good excuse to dress up but it doesn't need to contain fake blood, wounds, horns, bats or pointy hats. Sure, lots of people wear those kinds of costumes, good luck to them. Infact, it seemed 4 of 5 girls at the school this year were wearing a witches costume. How unique! Don't you just LOVE to blend in? Admittedly, Jess was a little worried about "being different" and I can assure you I promoted different as much as I could. When the time came, I understood her nerves and was reluctant to walk out the door in my own costume. I think I would have felt like that regardless of the occasion! I'm not big on being 'different' myself.. Talk about hypocrite!!!!

Right now Blogger wont open the photo loading window so it will be all text, yay for you!

We welcomed a new little lady into our family last week. My first cousin Stacey had her fourth child, her second daughter, Cadence Kristeen Diana and she is so sweet!! Stace and I spend time merely speculating her hair and eye colour. Stacey's older 3 are all blonde hair, blue eyed little cuties but Cadence has dark hair and eyes. This is no surprise, she reminds us of her elder sibling Alexander who also had dark hair when he was a newborn. Miss Cadence sleeps an awful lot. The first day I went to visit I think I spent a good 6hrs there and didn't once see her with open eyes! Her older brothers are 4yrs and 3yrs and she's good about all the raucous they make and her big sister is almost 12 and oh-so-grown-up! Watching her stand over the bassinet the other day was a really hitting moment of "wow, she's so big now! when did that happen?". My mum and I took Stacey's boys, her nephew and Jessi to the park on Saturday and it was a lovely day out. Alexander decided he was coming to sleep at my house the night. He had a rude shock when I said NO!! He's my little buddy, and it's so cute. Love them all to bits.

Jessi doesn't need me any more. I miss being needed. She's only 7 and in the morning before school I run her the shower and wash her hair if needed but she dresses herself, packs her lunchbox, organises her school bag etc all by herself. And it makes me sad! I really never expected to only have 1 child. I feel like my life is on pause.

I've come to realise friendships can be so fake. This sounds harsh, but beside my cousin Stacey I have 1 other 'friend' left here. The other people I associate with aren't real friends. People I know, people I've grown up with.. sure, there is a lot of history and a lot of sentiment, but when I truly look at the relationship it just isn't there. That was a REALLY hard thing to realise, and now try come to terms with. I don't dislike them, nor do I feel they're bad people or anything else so harsh, I just don't see there being that real friend bond with us. Not seeing them the whole time I was home from my last trip to Perth only to go out with them to the Halloween party on Oct 30... who does that? They're also in very different worlds. I don't have an iPod, a Pandora bracelet, a new car, the money to spend $55 on a pair of shoes just for Halloween (yes, you did read that right) nor to get massages or my nails done. I have so little to actually talk to them about.

I had a massive melt down last week. This is the first pay since giving up my job that I have felt the loss. I was so broke this fortnight. I borrowed a bit of money off nanna and it's great she's there to lend it, but it means I start the new fortnight on the back foot. I cried (truly sobbed, it was disgusting) and at one point I even thought Jessica might be better off with her dad (financially) and then I launched into hysteria at being such a selfish person for even considering it! There is no way in this world he is getting her, money or no money. He is apparently in Western Australia this week and we've not heard a peep out of him.

I spent a few hours with my step dad. He was upset after a phone call with my mum who works away on a mine site. It seems they're over. They've been married 17yrs this December but mum's decided she's had enough and is ready to move on. Really ready. She's already talking about moving.

It's hard bonding with my step dad sometimes (who you will see referred to merely as "dad" in most of my posts). He hurt my mum really badly when I was 16 or so, and he's got alcohol problems, he's never accepted my life as a mother and when drunk reminds me I should have been a doctor or a lawyer (never dreams of mine, but ok). He called me for a lift (he lost his license yonks ago, another abuse/alcohol related story) one night last week which was really out of character as he always calls my nanna. I got the impression he wanted company so sat with him for a couple of hours and we just talked. About all kinds of stuff. He had no idea what went on between Jessica's father and I which I was completely dumbfounded to learn! He asked me if I was seeing anyone and couldn't understand the answer being 'no'. I told him the night he hurt my mum I saw her all smooshed and bloody. I don't think he ever knew that either. My friends used to be scared to sleep over because of him (those same friends I said above that I am not sure where we really stand). He's had all sorts of charges laid against him in the years he's been with my mum. He's really not a role model of any distinction. But when I left that night, I was just getting into the car and he was standing on the front step when he said to me "So, if it's over.. between Patti and I... we can still talk?". After all he's put me through, all the bad memories, my heart still broke.

I missed something like 6 calls to the mobile and 4 to the home phone this afternoon. All from my sister. I had been on the phone with the treasurer of the local newspaper (of which I am editor) and as soon as I saw that all the calls were from her I called her back expecting some sort of bad news. Turns out she was calling to tell me of a job she saw advertised. Which she thought I should apply for. I am so fed up! I know she meant well and that she really does want me to live closer to her (with Perth and her being 8hrs away) but I do see her every 3mths when I take Jessi down for her doctors appointments. Anyways, I told her that just applying for a job was a ridiculous idea. I can't just up and move! It's not as easy as all that. I have a house, a mortgage, a child who needs her mother more than many and I am freaking single. There is no one there to pick up the pieces I let slip. If people keep asking me about jobs/study I think I am about to start yelling. Which wouldn't be at all polite or socially acceptable.

I've felt so overwhelmed the last couple of weeks. If everything in my life is left up to me, then I wont have much of a life. How will I ever get to travel, buy my acreage, build the house I want etc etc when I can barely hold down a 4hr a day, 5 day a week job? How am I even supposed to enrol in a course when for the last 9 days I haven't been able to keep food on the table, or get by without my nan propping me up? (be assured Jessica is well looked after. Nanna wont let her go without). I want to run away. I am desperate for a real holiday. Someone even said to me today "but you go to Perth all the time!". That is NOT a choice! I have to go again in 2weeks for Jessi's next set of appointments and I can't afford to go. Period. But I have to make it work. I want to really get away. I'd love to head to the USA, but even Bali would suffice! You can travel to Bali for under $600 from Perth. Almost costs that much for a return trip from here to Perth! Actually, fly from Kalgoorlie and it could easily cost that much for a return flight. Crazy huh!? You can fly to Indonesia cheaper than within your own state. Weird world we live in.

I need to find some mojo and do something. Anything!!! I am going crazy.

PS. My psych thinks he's worked out my problem(s). LOL! I don't fully understand but it's something to do with the 'meaning I associate to things' and thus the way I handle them (or don't). I am a little fed up with his flow charts, he pretty much redraws the same thing on each session. Only see him once every 2 weeks, and longer when I needed to be re-referred, so I sometimes feel it's all a bit spread out. He says one week he will bring X info to the next session, and on the next he doesn't even mention it.

Jess and I have this little habit of "I love you more/I love you the most". It usually starts with "I love you" and the reply "I love you too" and soon evolves into "I love you more" - "But you can't, cos I love you the most!" - "But I still love you even more" - "How can you love me more when the most is the MOST?" and it's funny, and we laugh. We know the outcome and yet we still play our silly little game. Or I'll randomly say to her "guess what?" and she of course asks what to get the reply "I love you". It always puts a smile on her face. I am sure she knows "what" but she plays along. I love my princess.

Finding trust a misguided thing

2010-10-20T15:36:00.000-08:00

I have barely slept at all. I tossed and turned most of the night. That it was quite warm wasn't helping things, but more importantly, because of the news that my daughters teachers aid was implicated in a story you'd never hope to hear.

At this point in time it's pure here say, but in a town of under 1000 people gossip is usually right to some degree.

While Jessica is not directly affected I still feel so bewildered. I have little choice but to trust those in charge of her care while she is at school, and that's a really really hard thing to do. To add news stories of this calibre to it just blows my mind.

I also wasn't notified by the school that Jessica didn't have an aid yesterday. Something they've been good about in the past and I have bought her home on days where I just felt too unsettled by the idea. Probably an over reaction, agreed, but her aid is her primary carer in the classroom/playground. Not the teacher. Her teacher doesn't even know the child she sits next to threatened to punch her in the face yesterday. I will be going to the office this morning to voice my concerns on both topics.

I'm also a little annoyed that of all the people gossiping about it, who know the close contact this woman has with my daughter, no one told me. It was only when I approached a friend and gave her the pieces I was slowly building the jigsaw with that she told me.

Jessica relies on other people to keep her safe. She's too little to do it all herself right now. How do I trust those people? Do I just blindly give it to them and hope for the best? Let's just say, that's what I had been doing to date and it hasn't always worked out.

Nonsense

2010-10-20T05:07:00.000-08:00

I've been spending a bit of time in the garden, but it's getting really hot already. I am getting really tired. I am so unfit that a few swings of the pick has my head spinning and I spend more time trying to regain my equilibrium. Some of my tubestock natives shrivelled up :( They over water them in the nursery's! Or they keep them in she shade when they're a full sun kinda plant (and over water them). So anyways, a couple have already succumbed to the not-quite-summer heat. Not looking forward to summer! I thought I was all clever using some plastic gutter-guard around my little plants, until I had to buy a new roll. Oh, lookee there! It says on the packet you can use it for that purpose. Talk about pricking a balloon and rejoicing in its deflation.

I actually had to turn my air-conditioner on this afternoon because Jessica wasn't coping with the heat. I guess it was more the humidity. She finally has her trampoline mat repaired and back on the tramp, and her cubby house complete. Wow. Christmas 2009 gift is finally usable. So sad. No pics cos the backyard is 4ft high with dead weeds.

I saw a local lady yesterday who will have some canaries I can buy off her for Jessica for Christmas this year. Yay! Only $10 each, the pet shop in Esperance wanted $25. There is another local lady I will see about buying so budgerigars off.

I am really, really annoyed that drug companies removed pseudoephedrine from hay fever medication. Well, it was probably some stupid law which said they had to do it. All they're basically doing is punishing people who get hay fever! Yes, it can be used in illicit drug making (hence its removal) but the way I figure it, they're going to keep making/selling illicit drugs one way or the other. You're just making people who could really benefit from it miss out. Jessica's been suffering badly this spring. Definitely her worst to date.

It's barely 9pm and I am struggling to keep my eyes open.

I'll leave you with a pic of my girl trying to turn herself inside out.

Gotta Love It

2010-10-17T16:46:00.000-08:00

'Gotta love it' - the sarcastic name of the photo album on my Facebook page containing all the photos of Jessica's allergies, hospital stays etc. Well, not quite all, MRSA got two albums all of its own! There is one other too, 'The Not So Pretty'. I was only prompted to share those kinds of photos with my Facebook friends when a dear friend from Anaphalaxis Talk was having MRSA trouble with her own child.

Is it wrong to tell you how fed up I am with our lot in life? Of course. You're supposed to be all smiley and when someone asks how you are the polite answer is "well thanks, and you?". If you told them you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and the kid is sick and you just want to go to bed and never get out they'd probably have you committed!

I feel like that a lot. Completely overwhelmed and unimpressed with everything. Sometimes I have to remind myself that something that just happened was good, be happy, be grateful. I had a long phone call with my sister yesterday which put me in a real funk and I couldn't even concentrate on a DVD last night. She's getting married in 2011 and was asking me if I could replicate some invites she'd seen. Well, I haven't seen them so who knows? (I'm actually thinking the "gift card holder" my Cricut can make, pictured with a tulip printed paper a few posts ago would be nice, but in her colour scheme of course.), she actually asked me to do the bridesmaids and flower girls hair (you guessed it, I am not a bridesmaid!). Hair. Me? No. Spend close-knit-lovey-dovey time with her friends? Hell no! She went on to say they're going to try borrow some $18,000 to pay for this whole affair. Really? That's more than my annual income. Yet they're only going to have 40 or so guests? What the hell do they need $18,000 for??? Ok, so when she found a dress in a Salvation Army store she just loved her fiancé told her she had to spend $2,500 minimum on her dress or "not to bother". Say WHAT? These two live well beyond their means at the best of times. I think I've heard all I want to about this wedding, and right at this moment I am glad it's not until the end of 2011 because I feel so.. ? I'm not sure. Hurt. Jealous. Angry (try explaining 'proof book' to my sister, you will understand the frustration.).

Then this afternoon my baby comes home sick (from nanna's house). Again. She's all teary and miserable because she has conjunctivitis (pink eye to my American friends) as well as hay fever. It got me to thinking about all the things she's had to deal with in her short life. She isn't yet 8, after all. I also began to acknowledge how little I document of her ordeals. I have photos gallore, but I really need to talk more about it all, and the struggles that go along with. I am not the only mum out there with a 'sickly' child. I am fed-the-hell-up of having people think I am over reactive and that "at least she doesn't have Downs [Syndrome]". Right.. like the trials I have with Jessica mean nothing because you can't physically see all the suffering she endures? She is set to miss another 3 days of school with this conjunctivitis, likely bought on by her hay fever. Too much crap in her eyes over too long. I tell the nurse on arrival at the Emergency that she has latex allergy. When she went to inspect the eye she went to put on gloves and I had to ask "are they latex free?". Nope.

I have nearly lost my daughter to death, twice. By that age of 7! Don't be telling me I have nothing to be so fussy about. One was to MRSA, the 2nd to an anaphylaxis allergic reaction to chocolate. Thank goodness for the Epipen and a paediatrician who believed there really was something wrong.

During pregnancy I had placenta previa and had all kinds of warnings like not to chop firewood, hang laundry, lift anything heavy. I also had 22.5weeks of all day every day sickness (who named it morning sickness?!). When my waters broke they were almost fluro green. After she was born and they stitched me up they had to take me back in and drain my bladder to control the bleeding.

My mum left the hospital the morning after she was born because of Jessi's dad's abusive and controlling behaviour. My mum wouldn't even look at me, or say goodbye to Jess. We left the hospital on day 2, even though I could barely stand up I was so dizzy all the time all because he wanted to. The doctor put the worst fear in me that she might get jaundice if we left so soon. I walked around for 2 days seeing my baby as bright yellow!

My daughter is fully immunised.

About 2 weeks old she got conjunctivitis.

7 weeks, my 21st birthday

At roughly 3mths old the eczema began. It was on her cheeks and was so nasty. I, no word of a lie, had a complete stranger ask me outside the supermarket if I poured boiling water on her? I have so few photos of her as a baby. Subconsciously I couldn't see past the eczema and it resulted in not so many photos. People kept telling me eczema was stress related. Didn't I feel grand!

Roughly 6mths

7 or eight months

A 'well meaning' child health nurse suggested we relax on solids to help her eczema. She started having a lot of rice cereal and I had problems feeding her from then on.

She stopped breast feeding around 6mths old, by choice. I guess the stress really did get to her then. Also saw a dermatologist who visited the country in regards to eczema. Walked into his office and he asked what he could do for us. We said "we believe our daughter has eczema.." and his response almost floored me. "what do you want me to do about it?" he asked. Wow. He spent so much time trying to take photos of her cheeks for his website that all he did was write a prescription for steroid cream. Same as our family dr.

Roughly 6mths

About 26mths of age they finally diagnosed asthma. Treated asthma and the vomiting eased.

At some point along the way she had an admission to Kalgoorlie hospital for "investigation". They did a barium swallow and an ultra sound to see that all was ok and working properly in the swallowing and vomiting processes. They ushered us out of there pretty quick because they were busy with flu season.

She'd often vomit massive amounts, until her stomach was empty and she'd still be retching. Sometimes it was like power-chuck! I'd call nanna crying because I needed a shower, Jess needed a bath. There'd be spew everywhere. I saw our family doctor so many times. They said she had reflux and prescribed medication to suit. I never, ever gave it to her. I didn't think that was the cause at all. I also kept telling the dr about this vomiting and she'd just listen and say it was normal for babies to spew. I'd babysat since I was 12, I knew babies. This wasn't normal. About 10mths down the track she weighed her and realised she'd be losing ground in her growth charts, actually going backward! We were rushed off to PMH. Jessica was diagnosed as having 'Failure to thrive'. BEST mother moment. EVER. Not. She was started on supplementary milk drinks and polyjoule. They listened to the vomiting issues and gave her the very first lot of RAST tests for allergies. She was positive to egg and potato, tree nuts among environmentals. I queried sesame which they had no result for. Was told to remove egg and potato from her diet to see how her eczema went.

About 26mths of age the finally diagnosed asthma. Treated asthma and the vomiting eased. She had chronic constipation until about 4yrs old and took daily laxatives. It was painful to watch and no one seemed to care. Just take the laxatives.

I don't recall how many admissions she had to PMH in those first few years. It was at least 4. No one ever said anything much about her skin, they queried asthma a couple of times. They were focused on trying to get her to eat. They did start us on wet wraps for eczema. That was grueling and she hated it. I had to walk the halls with her in a stroller the whole time she was in one.

Early age 5 they diagnosed latex allergy via skin prick testing after she had a massive lip swelling reaction to a balloon at age 4. I had to push our family doctor before he finally referred us to an Allergist who reconfirmed tree nut allergy and confirmed sesame for the first time. Latex, tree nut and sesame are all anaphylaxis/life threatening allergies. We already knew about egg and potato, and environmental things like grass, animals, dust. She petted a friend's dog once and her entire face swelled like a balloon. Her eyes swelling completely closed. Treated allergies and the vomiting made a whole lot more sense! .

Age 5 was the MRSA. I had to buy her a stroller because her skin was so bad she could barely walk. I kept telling or family dr something wasn't right, this isn't her normal eczema. He didn't believe me.

Then she got burnt with her antibacterial bath oil. It was so horrible!!!!!!!

Finally got MRSA diagnosed, 2 weeks in Perth at PMH. Back for an 8 week check up and readmitted. Started huge doses of oral antibiotics, which lasted some years. Every time we stopped she break out in infection again. MRSA saw us make contact with our dermatologist, who we now see regularly. This dermatologist started her on immunosuppression therapy, using the drug Cyclosporin, to help control her eczema. Immunosuppression is used for people who are having transplants so their body is less likely to reject the new organ. Has some wicked side effects like kidney failure. Spent weeks super stressed and badly worried every time she had a cough or snotty nose. All I could think was pneumonia.

Cyclosporin didn't work too well so they switched to Azathiprine (Imuran) and she's doing much better. It has other side effects, like the warts on her hands and face, the ring worm. The fact she missed a month of grade 1 when whooping cough was going around and she was too susceptible with a weakened immune system to be near people who had it/contact with it. Her immunisation had to cease as live cultures are used and injecting something live into her with a weakened immune was more likely to give her the disease than prevent it. She isn't allowed to get sunburnt because the drugs can cause her to be more likely to develop melanoma.

She's been under general anesthetic twice. First for an endoscopy and the second for dental surgery. Our school dentist wouldn't touch her in case he had latex in his van (they visit in a kitted out caravan, school is too small for on site dentist). He diagnosed her and she was sent away for crowns, fillings and removals. All on baby teeth. She was six.

I can't count the number of hospitalisations she's had for asthma and eczema. We see our dermatologists in Perth every 8 weeks. It's some 16hr return trip. She's currently taking 4 tablets, 2 inhalers, 1 nasal spray, various creams daily, and you can often add antihistamine to that list. She has bleach baths twice a week and a bloody test once a month. Her clothes can only be washed in 1 brand of laundry powder. She still can't interact with most animals. Her linen needs washing a lot. All our linen has blood stains. She is still extremely uncomfortable in some kinds of clothing. She is still prone to infection. She is limited by shoes, clothes, toys and various other things due to latex allergy. She can't even wear a bandaid. She has a lot of broken sleep. She often gets a fat lip just from eating white bread. Cross contamination of sesame seed. She's seen doctors, pediatricians, ENTs, dietitians, dermatologists, allergists, immunologists, pediatric dentists, psychologists. She still hardly eats. She's spent far too much time resembling a mummy (of the bandaged variety). She puts bandages on all her dolls. Her hospital files at PMH and our local hospital is over 2inches thick. She sits on a 'sitting mat' at school to keep her off the carpet/grass. She has a teachers aid. She is still missing massive amounts of school, and starting to really notice how 'different' she is.
She cries "I don't want to do this anymore".
"The only thing I am good at is itching".
"I wish I didn't have allergies".
"How come other people don't have eczema?". (remembering we live in a really small town)
"It's all my fault. Everything is my fault".

I want a little girl who could live pain free. Who can pet a dog and eat whatever she wants. Who can grow into a young lady without fear of condoms, shampoo, make up. I want my daughter to be 'normal', and it's selfish of me. She is who she is and I can't change it. Oh how I know I can't change it. I'd have a thousand times over if I could. Besides all the regular childhood illness like colds n flus, chicken pox. I don't think it's fair any child should need so many needles poked into them. I've had to hold Jessi down for blood tests. Once, with 2 nurses and myself holding her down the doctor was still unable to draw any blood. She was only 3!

You tell me if you think it's fair for ANY child to suffer. You tell me if you still think my concern for my daughter is all in my head? You still don't know the half of it. Go on, tell me "it will all get better" just one. more. time. I dare you.

You tell me if this looks like anything you've seen a child endure (but of course you haven't, because they're at home or in hospital when this bad, so you think eczema, asthma and allergies are a piece of cake!)....

I lost all the photos I had saved on a thumbdrive, there were hundreds more like these, including those of her struggling to breath with oxygen masks on.

Yes, I realise my tone throughout this past was angry. It makes me angry that my little girl has to endure all this. That I can't help her. That people are so heartless about it.

Payday: not a good day to go out of town!

2010-10-14T22:23:00.000-08:00

Mum and dad had been in Bathurst, NSW. They went to watch Australia's biggest car race, the Bathurst 1000. Mum's dream! It's a street track and over 3 days the teams do 1000 laps around "the mountain". Mum's idol, Peter Brock, was a Bathurst champion many times over, though sadly he died in a car rally accident a few years back. He was known as "Brocky" or "The King of the Mountain". The race is really just Holden vs Ford, so Australia vs USA in a sense. Holden took out 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th this year! Mum was stoked. We're big Holden fans! Personally, I don't understand why there are no other makes driving in the V8 Supercars?

Not many people know my mum used to race speedway, as did my sisters dad. I spent many a day (and night) on speedway tracks when I was little. I will always remember my sister cowering under her bed when her dad started his hotrod in the back yard as they did maintenance to it. I still love to go to speedway, though I haven't been in many years. They admission is expensive and the nearest track is 200km away. Jessica's never been and I don't think she'd like it much, she hates noise. I used to love when you'd be sitting with your car reversed up to the fence, in the open back of a station wagon, huddled under blankets and being pelted by mud as the sprintcars screamed past.

So while mum was enjoying all this, I was in Esperance with her dog in the vet. Poor dog. In recent months she's lost both her eyes. She's completely blind. But she's still very happy and able, she gets around the house, takes herself outside down the back steps. It hasn't really bothered her. As I was feeding her I noticed she was walking with her head held on the side. Worried she had some kind of problem with the eye as we only removed the stitches last Friday, I got her to Esperance as soon as I could. Pay day! Mum and dad will reimburse me, but to actually get there I had to wait until I had money. Poor little thing has an ear infection and is back on antibiotics. Looks like I might have to drive her back down next week as she's due for a check up at day 10, but mum will be back at work by then.

While she was in the vet I needed to do something, right? I started with a small grocery shop for all those things you just can't buy here. Lots of snacks for Jessica's lunchbox, some fruit because it's cheaper etc. I went into a Thingz gift shop and actually found something for both mum and dad for Christmas. Phew! One less thing to worry about. Then I hit the Red Cross thrift shop, but the little Anglican one wasn't open until after lunch. I took the opportunity to go buy Jessica a ball like Tian's as she doesn't seem to react, and to the 2 craft shops looking for pirate fabric. Between them, they had 1 bolt. I only bought 30cm as it's only for my little cousin's library bag. I decided I didn't like the sealife print I bought for him. I met up with June and Tian who were there for Tian's swimming lessons, then went back to the Anglican op shop. Then on to a pet shop to price birds for Jessica for Christmas, then Bunnings, then got the dog and headed home.

Here's what you can buy for $18. If you're anything like me, technically it was $20; I told them to keep the change :) (from the Anglican church opportunity shop)

5 Handmade magazines, from 1984 through to 1991
A huge array of sewing patterns which I select individually. Trust me, there's still heaps there!
An unusual embroidery book: Needle on the Wing by Mary Krishna (ISBN: not listed Published: Hutchinson & Co LTD, 1961)
Mode Made magazine Summer 87-88 which I had never seen/heard of before
Simplicity's Pillow Ideas (ISBN: 0-918178-19-3, 1980)
Australian Women's Weekly Decorative Crafts-Stylish crafts from around the world (ISBN: 0 949892 93 9, 1988)
3 fabric pieces, the blue baby print there is 2m, little soccer playing bears is about 1m, and a remnant of pink t-shirt material (stretch, jersey)

By comparison, this one copy of SEW magazine (a UK mag) costs $14.95

At the Red Cross shop the choices were more limited, I think I paid $7 for all this even though the clothes were marked at $2 or more each, but they were having a sale.

4 00000 and 0000 baby clothes for Jessica to use for her dolls
a couple of sewing patterns
1 Handmade and 1 Australian Patchwork and Stitching magazine
over 2m of this unusual dinosaur printed fabric
1 outfit for Jessica

I had a $50 voucher for Bunnings hardware store burning an absolute hole in my pocket, it was a gift from a friend for helping out. I knew I wanted plants, but I also grabbed a few small things I needed like some plastic feet (my sewing machine has lost one and it wobbles!) and some rubber grips for under furniture. I was really pleased to find tubestock Australian natives for $2.50 each! Yes, they're small. But they will naturalise well and made it much more accessible for me to get some variety.

In total I purchased 12 natives in tubestock, multiples of some of the plants. I got 4 varieties of grevillea, a banksia, isopogon formosus and sholtzia involucrata. There's a lot of pink.. I couldn't resist the gorgeous purple eremophila even if it was $15 for the one plant, and a lovely yellow "Yellow Imp" or genista. I have had many yellow imps in the last 8yrs (ok, so maybe 3) and none have survived. The tag says low maintenance, yet I keep killing them? Hope this one has more luck. They're such a pretty little plant. Many more plants I would have loved to get, but as it was I breached the $50 gift card and had to supplement with my own money. By this time next year the garden should be looking a whole lot nicer :D I should be making use of the cooler weather today to go out and plant these, but I still need to deal with the pesky cat situation first.

My mum bought me this gorgeous silver bracelet while she was away (Jessica got a pretty party dress and a Holden Racing Team (HRT) polo shirt, my sister got a HRT jacket, and my brother in law a Ford Racing Team jacket). It's gum leaves and a gum nut (gum tree being a eucalyptus). I really like it, but I don't wear silver and the leaves point out leaving them prime candidates to catch on something. The rings between aren't soldered closed, so if it did catch it might open a ring and fall off, getting lost. I will save it for special occasions. She made this big fuss about how hard I am to buy for. Really? It hurt my feelings and she's probably already telling people how ungrateful I am. Her usual story after giving me a gift. I think she feels that because she simply can't buy me sporting memorabilia, and I don't collect some kind of animal like everyone else that I am "impossible". I love the bracelet, but am I expected to jump for joy when I open the velvet bag just so she knows how excited I am? I told her I love it and how unusual and pretty it is. I hope she believed me this time. The bracelet was bought in a silver mining town called Broken Hill in New South Wales.

The Australian dollar reached all time highs on Thursday this week, reaching $0.9994 US, there was speculation that it may breach the US$ and that by mid next year the "Aussie" would be trading higher than the US! WOW! Back in 2001 we were trading at $0.47 US.. huge differences. It really does seem to me that Australia is holding its own during this "global financial crisis". I keep hearing that term yet the Australian Reserve Bank keeps increasing our interest rates and we're trading close to all time highs.. Certainly a good time to be buying online from overseas. Shame I am back on a single parent allowance and broke. Bugger!

http://www.smh.com.au/business/australian-dollar-moves-close-to-parity-20101014-16kax.html

Creativity necessities

2010-10-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

I'd like to think I NEED the items I buy to the same extent that I want them, but we all know this isn't true. When I got a rather nice tax return this year I really wanted to splurge it. Then I was contemplating resignation and ended up doing just that. I kept telling myself I needed to be sensible with my money as living off Single Parent Pension isn't easy.

What it came down to was a conversation with myself that ended with "who knows when you will have any money again? When is the last time you really bought yourself something, not just thrifted craft items or clothes (which are quite frankly, necessities)?". So I asked my friend Toni her opinion on where to buy the item I was after. It's something I had wanted for such a long time, and it seemed I was finally going to own my own Cricut Expression!!!!

I googled for hours, using metashopping tools like getprice.com.au to see price comparisons. Everything in Australia was so expensive! I tried US stores, and it seemed the store Toni had recommended, Custom Crops, was really well priced. I went through the whole process of trying to work out what I might want, how much that would total, going to check out and seeing postage, converting it back to $AUD, rechecking Aussie stores.. it took me a long, laborious time to decide if this really was for me. In the end I placed my order with Custom Crops for the Cricut Expression, spare mats and blades, deep cut blade housing and blades, Cricut Design Studio and cartridges. Most of which I would have had to forgo if shopping within the limits of my own nation. Truth be told, I probably went over board. I got "2 free" cartridges with the machine and from all those they had to choose from, I wasn't very impressed. Turns out I really like Doodlecharms, but I think Fabulous Finds is crap.

My order arrived while I was away in Perth and I itched to get home and play! When I did arrive home and collect my gigantic box from the Post Office I was so disappointed to open it and find my machine and some other items were on back order. Even more annoying was that their invoice said "expected date of arrival 12/31/1965". Yes, December 31st... 1965? I emailed them to ask after the actual date they'd get new stock and they informed me they had them. They then proceeded to ask if I got the 2 free cartridges. No, I did not. I quoted them the invoice number and pointed out what was on back order, as it also included a couple of other items. I was really starting to doubt them by this point. How did they not know what I had back ordered?

Finally my machine and everything owing arrived and I was happy little chappy! I would still use CustomCrops again, mistakes happen and they fixed it up very fast and with little fuss.

The day the machine arrived, I realised I hadn't bought a power adapter to make the US plug work in Aus. Turns out I only needed to swap the lead from the power pack to the wall, and happened to have a matching cord from my video camera or something laying about. I was really apprehensive to turn the machine on after this little wave of genius, Aus and USA have different voltages and I didn't want it to go kaboom! I pay contents insurance for something, right? Thankfully there were no issues. The trouble started when Jessica realised what I was up to. It was school holidays and she wanted in on the action. I spent ALL afternoon that day using the Once Upon A Princess cartridge, making Jessica paper dolls!!!!! It was a great way to use up random bits of paper. You should see some of the colour/pattern combos. Actually, I revoke that invite. No one should see them! It's been some weeks since, and Jess is still playing with them. Bonus! I don't own inks and chalks, so have no real idea the right way to add texture etc so for now, everything is very simple. I'll get there :)

PS. My Cricut 'wish list' is getting bigger and bigger. Uh oh!

Anathema

2010-10-13T08:05:00.005-08:00

I hadn't really planned to post today. Yesterday, yes. Before the unexpected trip to Esperance to take my mum's dog to the vet as she's away. I walked in the door some 13hrs later, which included a 4hr round trip completely exhausted and sore. Today that sore feeling remains but it's intermingled with stiff too and to top it off I got sunburnt this afternoon which makes me grumpy. I'll tell you about Esperance another day.

Tonight I have read 2 different topics which have really gotten to me. One is the father of one of my friends anaphylactic/allergic daughters being so irresponsible and showing a complete disregard for his child's well being. That pissed me off and I feel so for the little girl. The other is about that topic. You know that one, which people think they must hide and be ashamed of, that's still used in association with the word taboo? Tonight, I read a horrific story of domestic violence. It was so well written, and not at all a "woe is me" tale. My heart aches for the family involved while at the same time breaking all over again. Reading that story reopened some wounds in me which never full heal.

I am a survivor of domestic violence.

At 19 I met a man who seemed so wonderful. He was kind, educated, he liked me??? I could hardly believe it. After leaving school the butt of every joke the boys in my class made and never having been on a date let alone kissed a boy, it was somewhat awe inspiring to me that someone liked me. This man and I met when he tagged along with one of his friends to the home of my dear friend Kristy. One night he called Kristy's house and wanted to talk to me. I didn't believe her, I was lazing about on her bed with her baby when he called and I honestly thought she was pulling my leg. She came in and gave me the phone and he asked me to come to his place. Again, I thought it was some elaborate joke. His friend was at Kristy's that night and she was urging the whole thing on, and Kristy was grinning from ear to ear. In the end I accepted a visit to his house, on the proviso his friend came with.

It was all so awkward. The friend jumped onto his (Sega) Dreamcast and started chatting online while he and I sat on the other side of the L-shaped couch. He did that whole "movie sequence" where is arm slowly stretched over my shoulders and he somehow ended up practically laying in my lap. I felt so uncomfy and so embarrassed. I don't really remember much more of what happened. Until writing this post I had forgotten the phone call to Kristy's house! I do remember when his friend and I left, him begging me to come back. I remember declining, yet I can't remember if I did go back alone. I don't *think* I did, but I could very well be wrong.

He lived in a small house with a flat mate whom I never met. From the time we met he was always running the bloke down and saying how bad it was living there. It all looked very neat and tidy so I gave little thought to his complaints. It was a few nights later I somehow ended up in the position of having a sleep over at his house. A really odd one it seems because he slept on a single bed mattress on the floor, and to enable a sleep over we had to put the mattress off my futon into the back of my Magna station wagon and take it to his place. It was all new and exciting and I was so happy to have someone to share it with.

The night I lost my virginity I was raped.

Yes, I was in a relationship. Yes, I did agree to sleep over. Yes, I was VERY naive. We went to bed fine. From what I recall we lay there talking for quite some time. I am sure (though I don't remember) there must have been some intimacy going on and I kept saying "No, I am not ready". He kept trying to persuade me and wouldn't give up. I really wanted to get out of there I was feeling so icky and wished I had never agreed to the sleep over. He wouldn't let up, I didn't want to .. you know what? Writing this now I don't think it had anything to do with what I wanted, anymore than the fact I wanted to sleep. We had sex. It was awful and I cried and it hurt like hell. There was blood and I lay there afterward feeling so miserable. This wasn't at all what I had envisaged. It wasn't even about that romantic "candles and rose petals" ideals. It just felt so wrong. I didn't want to give something that was taken from me. Tears streamed down my face for hours after that. He didn't notice, he went to sleep.

This should have been a HUGE wake up call. I should probably have gone to the police then and there. Or at least had the guts to walk of that dingy little dwelling after I said no and he harassed me. But I didn't. Somehow within the first 2 weeks he'd moved himself out of that "hell hole" into my rental. He wasn't invited, he didn't ask. It just sort of was. He was a service station attendant who pumped fuel and checked oil. Within a month he'd quit the job. Well, he told me he quit. Truth is he was probably fired.

I don't remember how it started, what triggered it or when. The first memory I really have of it was me persuading him to put the garbage out for collection and locking the back door behind him, racing through the house to lock the front door and then into the side room to lock the last one (there were 4 external doors!). He met me at that side door, and he fought me from the other side of it. I pushed, he pushed. He was livid! Almost frothing at the mouth. And he was such a bear of a man, solid even at 19. Eventually he gave in and let me close the door and I went and huddled in a corner where he couldn't see me as all the blinds were open. He was screaming at me. I haven't the faintest idea now what he said, but I was scared and shaking and didn't know what to do. After a while he calmed down and he cried, begged, pleaded for me to forgive him. I couldn't take it, my heart was so torn and being the person I am, I let him back in. I remember sitting on a kitchen chair with him sitting at my feet, head in my lap, sobbing and sulking and repeating over and over again how sorry he was and how he'd never do it again.

Skip ahead and by 6mths into the relationship I was pregnant. We decided to move back to my home town to be closer to my family just prior to me finding out I was expecting. It's funny, I was only 2 weeks along when I found out. I don't track my cycle or anything, I hadn't skipped a monthly visitor. I just said I felt sick and "I need to do a pregnancy test". How odd, not see the doctor, but do a urine test. I did. He and I sat on the living room floor huddled over my mobile phone while the timer counted up ever so slowly. It said 5-8mins (I think) so after 6mins I went back to the bathroom. He waited at the door to the kitchen and I walked back sort of laughing, very breathless and crying. It was positive. He was happy. I felt like jelly. I was terrified of telling my mum. We went and told my ever loving, ever supportive nanna and she ignored me. I was mortified. My nanna is my rock, that one person I could count on always, and she wouldn't look at me. Sat stone cold in her armchair while I tried to get close and hug her. That about broke my spirit and only made the thought of telling mum so much worse! Mum didn't like my boyfriend, they didn't get on, and she was barely talking to me because of it. In the end I worked up the courage to tell mum and she was actually supportive and looking forward to being a grandmother for the first time.

Turns out he wasn't so happy. He didn't like the attention I was getting, he didn't like that I was so sick. Many of my friends had moved away from the town and others I simply never saw. He used to yell and scream a lot! One day we were about to go out and I managed to get outside the front door before I started being sick. He was screaming at me how dirty I was, and to go do that in the toilet. As someone who'd barely vomited in my entire life, I was feeling too miserable to do anything much and I certainly didn't want to be standing their spewing my guts up. But he didn't let up. He didn't care. He was working as a console attendant at a petrol station by then and they sell greasy, deep friend foods and burgers in the country roadhouse versions like he was at. He'd come home smelling of dim sim and cheese sausage and I'd be hanging my head out of the car window the entire time trying not to be sick. He didn't have a license.

He'd pick arguments about anything and everything. Most of them were about sex. I'd go to bed, having not eaten for a week (or having thrown it all up) and he'd start on me. "You need to eat, Michelle!" or whatever measly excuse he had to whine about. He slide the bedroom door open (I will never have a house with sliding doors EVER again) and start flicking the bedroom light on and off over and over and over. He'd come over and start grabbing my shoulders shaking me (especially if I pretended to be asleep) or get on the bed beside me and try to roll me over to face him. I'd swear at him and tell him to get lost, he'd only be getting angrier and angrier and switch reasons for being angry. It could last for hours. Once I went and sat behind the toilet door with my feet up on the wall opposite to help keep the door closed (there were no locks) and he kicked it so hard, and I was pregnant, that I got up in fear of him really hurting me or the baby.

By some point his routine was to take my keys, phone and purse from me and trap me in the house. He never hit me. I wouldn't have believed you if you said I was living in a domestic violence situation, that's when you get bashed. Isn't it? Once Jessica came along things only got worse. He didn't like having to share me with the baby. He'd make me wake her up to take him to and from work each day. Sometimes our yelling got so bad the neighbours 2doors down would come and get me out of there. Sometimes I'd end up in the park across the road. I recall sitting there one time, on a BMX jump that he couldn't see from the house, in the drizzling rain with a baby Jessi in my arms. My neighbour found me that day and took me back to her house. Another time I crept onto her verandah late at night (9 or 10pm) and sat there ever so quietly in the dark. She must have heard Jessi and came out and sat with me. She and her husband we so kind to me, beyond what any neighbour should be (they were in their 60s?). We sat there in the dark silently, and we watched him get in my car and drive around, we can only assume, looking for me. Another time I was walking barefoot down the centre of the road, stumbling along for I couldn't see though the tears. I got half way to nannas house with no nappybag, just me and Jess in my arms, when nanna drove up. She'd felt a need to check on me and there we were.. on our way to find her.

One time I was sitting in the window in the side room yelling out the name of my neighbour. He didn't hear me. Jessi's dad was taunting me that I could yell. Go on, yell. I had Jessi in my arms and there was little I could do. I'd often make it as far as the car. He'd come out and rock the car! Stand beside it and shake the living shit out of it. Or I'd just get the car to start and he'd come hurtling out of the house and I'd have to stop because I didn't want to run him over, so then he'd start shaking the car. Once I got as far as the side gate, was struggling with the latch because of carrying Jessica and he caught up to us. He clapped his hands over my ears. To this day I don't know how I didn't fall over let alone keep hold of that baby. Some of these events may even have occured on the same day. I really don't remember. Sometimes someone will say something about their own situation and it triggers something and I remember an incident I'd long since forgotten. I hate when those moments hit. He used to try take Jessi off me. Once he had me well and truly broken he'd say over and over "give me the baby Michelle. this is bad for the baby, you're crying to much. give her to me". By this point he's back to his calm self and I'd be the once hysterical telling him he wasn't getting her. No WAY! He'd pour water over us (yes, Jessi too) when we were sleeping, he launched himself at me one day and put his hands through the sheetrock on the living room wall, he'd throw things at me, he'd call me all sorts of names and tell me I was a hippo and no one would ever love me, he'd threaten to hurt Jessi. He'd abused all my friends and family to the point I saw no one.

People in the street, in my home town, used to tell me what a wonderful couple we were. How good we were together. Jessica was 6mths old when the neighbours 2 doors down called the police. They also called my mum. Mum found him sitting in the old Torana he'd bought and was "restoring". She was fuming, he refused to get out of the car. She picked up a shovel that was in the shed and told him to get out of the car, or she'd get him out. He didn't budge. He'd met his match. My mum swung that shovel and stopped just shy of the window. He soon got out. To this day he tells people "Michelle's mum tried to kill me". Trust me, she wasn't trying. Had she been, he'd have died. I don't really remember what happened. I think this was the day he jumped on the hood of my car as I was reversing out the drive, when earlier he'd lifted both the windscreen wipers. As he jumped I stopped the car and he slid up the bonnet into the wipers. He had a massive bruise on his shoulder from it. Later, he had no idea where the bruise came from. Anyways, he told the police I tried to run him over. I don't know what story they got from elsewhere but the lady officer told me I needed to get a restraining order, or she would. The police in WA had been granted the power to apply for restraining orders only a few months before.

I went with the violence restraining order. I didn't want to. How does Jessi see her dad when I have an VRO? But an VRO will get him out of the house, a house my mum owned that we were living in. I'd told him to go many times but he never left. Finally he had to leave. I was worried about where he'd go. This was my home town, not his. I was an absolute wreck. It's just dawned on me all that stuff about my mum must have been from an earlier incident because my mum was away when he and I finally separated. I went to court and got the interim VRO and the Justice's of the Peace made me feel so small. The questions they asked, the fear they wouldn't grant approve the order.. it was almost worse than what I had just been through. But they did and mum was on her long service leave and away in Perth and she wanted to come home there and then. I wouldn't have that, she deserve a holiday. The only way I could placate her was to assure her my sister and I would go to Perth. We couldn't get on the train the following day and she was ready to come home, but my nanna assured her we'd be on the train the very next day. We met mum in Perth, stayed all over the place with relatives and mums friends. I was grieving and felt so isolated. If mum saw my crying she was so brusk in asking me what was wrong. She needed to ask? I wrote him letters (they weren't actually sent) where I said I missed him and I WAS SORRY etc etc. Did I have something to be sorry for?

When the restraining order finally went to court I didn't attend. I didn't want it. He'd moved out, that was all I needed. Right? Wrong. I thought if I got the VRO Jessi couldn't see her dad and that's not fair on her and blah blah blah. I tried not to be alone with him, but inevitably it happened from time to time and things were hell when they did. Just before her 1st birthday he left town. I had taken her to visit with him for an hour or so on xmas day. He was showing me photos of some half naked, skinny model type thing whom he'd met on Yahoo! Personals. He was sure to have her on his computer desktop and screen saver while I was there. He was moving to be with her. I was so hurt, how come he gets to move on? And with a chic like that? He left town, things didn't really improve. He'd phone me 100 times a day. Sometimes, that wasn't an exaggeration. He'd call and call until I answered, switching from house phone to mobile and back again. He'd abuse the crap out of me over the phone. Even when I met my partner Andrew he'd always be calling but then he had something else to bitch about. "I don't want Andrew near my daughter. I don't know him". He had people in town feeding him information.. "I don't want Jessica in the car with Andrew when he drives like that". He wouldn't pay child support, he changed both his middle name and surname "so you can't find me" he says.

He came to visit when Jessi was about 3.5yrs old. His biological father wanted to come meet his granddaughter and on his way here he collected the father and they came together. The night before, the father was on the phone cursing and saying he didn't want to come. "Good", I said. "I don't want you here!". He came. Day one was ok, we met in a park and they gave gifts to Jessi and they played. I tried not to follow them around, but just watch, as it was his time with her. Day 2 he arrived to collect her when I wasn't ready and on the phone. She'd been begging to go on the swing so I ushered her out the front door to him and told him she wanted a push on the swing, I'd just get the rest of her things and be out in a minute. When I got out there I was still on the phone and he and his dad were playing with her at her swingset so I sat on the step and went on with my phone call. That afternoon they were coming back to see her so we went out the front to wait. She was playing on the swing and I was sitting on the lawn talking on the phone when they arrived. I said hi and left them to it. As far as I was concerned they were there to see Jessica, not me. When my call finally ended, he was really annoyed. He started growling about how I was on the phone and how I pushed her out the door that morning etc. I repeated my sentiment that he was there for Jessi and I didn't need to hang up for him. So he switched to "and you wont even go inside, you're just sitting there to spy on us". All this while he was pushing Jess on the swing. He was started to snarl and spit in his anger, and had the swing raised ready to let her go. He didn't even notice her fall off. As soon as he did (you know, when she cried!) he picked her up and tried to cuddle her but she put her arms out to me. That pissed him off further. I tried to reassure her with words and he put her back on the swing. It was when she almost fell the second time that I had enough! She'd learnt from her first fall and was hanging by her little hands gripping the rope. I was so upset for her. I asked her to kiss her daddy and her grandpop goodbye because we were going inside. This sent him into a a tirade and he started slinging abuse something cruel. He was screaming and waving his arms and saying all kinds of nasty things. His dad was dragging him to the car while I was trying to comfort a VERY distraught little girl as I carried her inside.

I went and got a VRO. I asked them to make sure Jessica was covered, they fudged up the paper work and it didn't happen. Actually, at first the lady in the courthouse told me I didn't need one, as he didn't live here! I was furious, I'd called Legal Aid before going down there to see if a VRO was appropriate, how this affected Jessica etc. So I went back later when the other lady was on and filled out the paper work. They granted the interim order. Within DAYS he moved back to this town! He fought the VRO and I had to attend court before a magistrate and prove I needed it. That was horrible. Yet again i found myself feeling like the bad guy and I was sure they'd believe his sweet talking and decline it. They didn't and it was valid for 2hrs. He made steps towards court for custody and they made us go to mediation to work out an access agreement. That was HELL ON EARTH! They didn't care that I had a very current, rather new VRO against the guy. They actually wanted me to go into HIS home and TEACH him how to care for his daughter (asthma and eczema at that stage). I couldn't understand, nor feel at ease with the whole process. Once more I felt like I was being punished for his bad behaviour. It was a hard fight and something like 6hrs in the lawyers office on a teleconference with him and his lawyer, and a court appointed mediator, before we agreed he'd get access once every 2 weeks for 2hrs, supervised by my mum.

At some point he came to my place of work and started asking me what Jessica might like for Christmas and other useless stuff. I reminded him he wasn't supposed to be there and that I couldn't talk to him. More happened but it was hearing my mum's V8 come around the corner that had him hightail it out of there. I called the police and asked what would happen if I charged him from breaching the VRO, and their reply all seemed very extreme. In the ended I said to myself "He's terrorized you for 4yrs, and you have NOTHING to prove it". I had him charged. He was driven to the nearest regional lock up (gaol) and had to spend the night before his court appearance the following day. He was found guilty of breaching the VRO, was fined, and had to pay expenses. I must admit, from that moment onward his behaviour altered.

He's still not a good person. He still blames everybody and everything around him for the drama in his life. When Jessi was about 4.5yrs he moved away, 2000kms away! It's been so nice. He's never spent a birthday with Jessica, she's 8 in 2011. He's only ever had that one Christmas with her. After fighting for mediation he really only spent 4 or 5 weekends (every 2 weeks) with her before he started having to rush off early for "work" etc. He met a new girl and she moved out here to the sticks to be with him. It lasted about 3 weeks before my mum, on an access visit, ended up having to help her find somewhere to live and then continued to help by moving her furniture. Funnily enough, this was the very first day I met her (when mum's car wasnt at his house for access and I needed to give her a jacket for Jessi). I offered to take her 9yr old with me to mum's to watch dvds with Jessi. I could see how upset the poor girl was. Her mum drove past us a few hours later and informed me how I had split them up. Funny! He started the same shit with her, abusive, never ending phonecalls etc. She and I are actually good friends to this day, and we don't talk about him unless it's in relation to Jessica. Jessi hasn't seen him since he moved the last time, we haven't heard from him in about 5mths. He came to WA in May and had told Jessica well in advance he was coming to see her, then didn't. His dad and I are on great terms. I could/would never hold against Jessica's grandpop the actions of her dad. Her grandpop called the other night for a chat and slipped up that the father will be in WA again on Nov 4. Guess he isn't even planning on seeing her this time.

While I am still nervous around him I am more willing to stand my ground. My daughters safety comes first and foremost and I'd never leave him alone with her or let him take her even if he had company. His dad backs me up in this. When I saw him last my VRO was still current, so I'd not really like to have to see him. Jessica's started asking a lot of questions this last year and her crying because "I miss daddy" is sending me loopy. She doesn't know her "daddy", just a mental image of a generalisation of a daddy. He's still a complete arsehole and he still tries to pick fights, though I must admit he's been pretty good. He learnt a long time I ago I will simply put the phone down and walk away. He's paying to listen to his own ranting. The very last time we spoke, I hung up on him. He didn't call me right back like he once would have. He has no concept of his daughters needs or health and I always let him know if she gets admitted to hospital. When she needed her epipen last year, I called him. No matter what I do, he will always be her dad.

I saw firsthand what domestic violence can do when at 16 I was taken to the hospital where I saw my mum a bloodied, smashed up woman. I had to go into the house and find her glasses, see the holes in the walls and the blood all over her bedroom. I had to hear how he'd tried to break her neck and kicked her in the head with his steel-capped boots. I live with the memories of running to my nannas house in the middle of the night when I was 13 or 14. She didn't live a few doors down the street, it was blocks away. I remember when sleeping over nanns flying out of bed everytime the phone rang after 8pm in case it was mum in need. I will always remember the stories my mum has told me of how granddad treated her and my aunt, and worst of all, nanna. And I will maintain that I was not "seeking" that kind of relationship when I met him. I wasn't continuing the abusive cycle. I will never put myself, or my daughter, in a situation like that again. I had a baby who I didn't want to grow up in a broken home like mine. I had no idea the home I was creating for her was broken beyond repair.

My mum is still with my step father. He's never laid a hand on her before or since that day although he's an alcoholic who doesn't succumb to the grog like he used to. My granddad died when I was 12.

My story pales by comparison of that which I read this afternoon, but it's my story. As shattered and ill-remembered as it is. I don't mind the not remembering. It's when I read stories like that I did today and the feelings and some memories start to haunt me that I don't like.

Domestic Violence isn't taboo! It's against the law.

So much to do, so little time

2010-10-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

Who am I kidding, I don't work anymore so to most of you why should I complain about time?

The fact remains, I have a "to do" list bigger than my Santa list and it only grows every time I see a wonderful blog, or a new magazine arrives, or I've been op shopping and have a bunch of vintage to drool over. There is so much I want to make, so much I want to achieve.

Trying to remind myself of something I read on a blog once (was it Ali Edwards?) where she had used a quote that went something like "no body has any more time in the day than I do". Well, that's a really poor representation of the quote, but that was the meaning of it. Each day, we all have 24hrs. What we squish into those hours is entirely up to us. Some of us feel overwhelmed with work, kids, hubby, kids activities etc so much so we never have a hobby or read a book or even get a hair cut. Others amongst us leisurely stroll through life with no goals of time, achieving only what comes before them and happily accepting this life with a smile. Some of us just want to do it all. Now. I think I am one of the latter.. (as if you hadn't worked that out!). The trouble with wanting to be the over-achiever (wow that sounds modest?) is that it usually ends up in achieving nothing as it all gets so overwhelming and it's easier to go watch a dvd. Then the guilt kicks in, you can see where this is going. No where.

For a long time I have considered making items to sell. Yes, just considered it. I am multi-talented when it comes to crafting which is a real pleasure, but it also means I never focus on one thing for very long. I haven't picked up a tatting shuttle in a long time (ok, so I bought 2 at a garage sale in Perth last time and they had tatting needles too, my first. Does that count?) and my interest in crochet has waned. The last scrapbook page I shared here is still sitting on my desk incomplete and I've got so many sewing patterns I can't remember which ones I like most.

I think what scares me the most is that moving from hobby to income will kill the pleasure. I know how badly I procrastinated on the 2 bridesmaids and 1 flower girl dress I made in Nov last year for my besties wedding. I know how when I got to her house on the eve of the wedding I hadn't hemmed the 2 bridesmaids dresses. I also know I have no originality. I can mimic things, I can work from patterns, but I don't see ideas in my own mind. Not like I do with crochet anyways. I can crochet up almost anything on a complete whim. Even with crochet I was constantly being encouraged to write patterns and it all just sounded like too much hard work. Perhaps that's what it is, I am just lazy? I want to sew all day long, and yet I haven't been near my sewing machine in months. I like things to be "perfect" (yes, my own image of it, not yours, not his, just mine) and then I spend 6hrs sewing one dolls outfit that should have taken 30mins. I also know there is so little money to be made from homemade items. People do love them, but they seem to expect them to be cheap. I can't afford any lovely fabrics and practically all those I do buy are reduced to $4/m or less. How does anyone make something with those gorgeous quilt fabrics that cost $24/m, then sell them? They have to be losing $$ in a big way! I also don't know what people like. I know what I like, I know what Jessica likes, but beyond that I haven't a clue.

There is an entrepreneur in town who is opening a monthly market (just like a jumble sale I guess, once a month) but he is also advertising permanent weekend booths. I could do that. I know I could. But how come I can say it then not do it?

McCalls 8784

Above is a pattern I have cut "just because" and maybe with a small inkling of.. will I participate in the market? Even just the jumble sale one? I cut view (D-size 1), the little girl sitting down. The pink floral is a quilting fabric I absolutely adored and I cut the front of the shirt in 1 piece to avoid the center front seams. The little shorts were cut in a dark pink poplin.

Simplicity 9495

I have also cut Jessica a nightie from Simplicity 9495, view C, size 7 (girl holding the teddy bear) in a lightwight cotton. Nighties you buy are usually satin or jersey and with Jessica's skin, neither is comfortable. She loved the fairy fabric (as did I when I bought it!) and "can't wait for you to make it mummy". Yet here is mummy dragging her feet.

Butterick 4286 - McCalls 5439

My last trip to Perth I got a lot of preloved sewing patterns and quite a few were costume. McCalls 5439 is girls size 3,4,5 and Butterick 4286 is misses 6, 8-10, 12-14, 16-18 and I've been using them as a reference for Jessica's 2010 Halloween costume. The owner of many of these patterns must have been a seamstress, all her patterns were cut around the outlines and not specific sizes so I have full use of the size ranges. Yay!

My new issue of Australian Homespun arrived in the post today, already i want to make a few things from it and order back issues (see, this is why they print letters and photos of items people made from past issues!). I'd love to make the girly quilt but I don't have the fabrics or the patience.

My psychologist wants me to enroll in a course at Uni or Tafe, I want him to back off. Maybe I should enroll in drafting, or seamstress or something? *lol* He'd not appreciate that. Apparently I am "too smart to stay here" and he's always asking me "why don't you move? you're wasting yourself by staying here". I keep thinking "shouldn't I be grateful for what I have?". I'm the first to admit I don't feel like I have a lot but when I view it from outside eyes I really do. I have my gorgeous daughter, a loving and supportive local family, I own my home (something I achieved all by myself), I had a good job that I threw in, I have friends, and if I really set my mind to it I also have the ability to make positive changes/influences to my local community. Ugh, life. I just want to pack up and go to the USA for a few weeks. Oh wait, no income. Just got to keep reminding myself to be grateful.

Thrifting is fun!

2010-10-10T05:41:00.001-08:00

I should also add a disclaimer - "THRIFTING IS ADDICTIVE"

Be warned.

But back to the Thrifting is Fun part!!

A few weeks ago (ok, so it's probably more like months now) I was in Esperance. I don't get to Esperance very often and it's a lovely coastal town. Gorgeous white sands, clear waters, and freezing bloody cold! They have 2 op shops I frequent whilst in town, one is a Red Cross and the other is a little church group one. I *heart* the smaller, church based opportunity shops! I often find Salvation Army, Good Samaritans and Saint Vincent De Paul extremely over priced (in the sense you could buy that child's t-shirt new for less then they are asking in the second hand store). I understand they are employing people with disabilities as well as aiding their international organisation but heck, if I can buy it cheaper new I'm going to opt for new.

Anyways, in Esperance in the little church op shop I found 3 magnificent books and my heart was all aflutter and I just wanted to ~~brag~~ share with someone. My friend's and family aren't really interested in my crafty endeavours so I will share with my readers.

Tucked away by the counter and behind racks of clothing is floor to ceiling shelves and I have learnt through many visits this is the area of the shop that I want. They have some kids clothes and a few other things but the pile of knitting, crochet and other magazines is massive, they usually have a great selection of preloved sewing patterns and so many other hidden gems. This trip I found some iron on transfers with brilliant gold embossing on the covers, a heap of sewing patterns, a near new knitting book and a handful of lace and fabric remnants. Best of all, I found these...

English editions of Japanese sewing/drafting books!!!

Baby Wear
Cute Infants Outgrow Clothes Quickly. 58 Tots' Clothes Paired With Dolls
Though Girls Begin To Feel More Fashion-conscious, Nothing On The Market Is Snug And Taut. Produce A Good Fashion With Mom-made Clothes (yes, that's the title).

In the top left corner of each book it states "English Edition - Stitch House" and an abbreviated title for each

Baby Wear
Infants Wear - by direct cutting
Girl's Dresses - 8 to 13 year olds

The recommended Australian retail price was $2.85!

They are copyrighted "1984 by KAMAKURA SHOBO PUBLISHING CO.,LTD." and printed in Japan. There is no ISBN etc listed. They are each 68pages in total.

These books do not contain patterns. They do, however, instruct you how to create the patterns. Akin to Enid Gilchrist books. (see below)

I love the illustrations that accompany the patterns! Some of the wording makes me giggle too. One or two images would look great framed, but I wont be pulling apart these darling books for such simple pleasures. I ogle Japanese sewing books online all the time (the modern ones) and they are so expensive! I feel like I've just slid up on the outskirts of the in-crowd with my little treasures. Best of all, for everything I bought that day (and it was a lot, trust me) I paid about $7. Yes, total. The plastic bag I was carrying it all in barely made it the 10m back to my car, it was so heavy and hardcover books were making holes.

I especially love how the last page on the Girls Dresses book encourages the girls to sew themselves. The below picture is definitely something I could frame. I adore the simplicity of the illustrations and yet they are so expressive.

I've been a big fan of Enid Gilchrist books for many years. Below is a photo of just 2, from very different eras, but both are modeled on the same principals. Enid's work was all about self drafting. She gave you an axis marked as 0, then working from that point she gave you the measurements to draw out the patterns yourself, and a detailed description of assembly (rather than pictorial).

I've been collecting these books for a number of years from eBay, thrift stores etc. Some are rarer than others and sell for quite a lot, some are so common they practically give them away. I even have some magazine pages from mags of the 50's and 60's where thrifty mamma's have torn the pages with her featured articles/patterns to save for use. I have some books, like the bright Baby Book (ISBN 0 908429 17 7, rec retail $2.95) pictured below, from different print runs and the one shown below is probably the most recent of all the Enid Gilchrist items I own. You can see that not only the patterns and printing methods evolved, as did a few of the patterns and the measurements moved from Imperial to Metric. Designed back when disposable nappies (diapers) were unheard of, the patterns are a little difficult in todays society. (I have friends with clothed bottomed children, my own daughter wasn't one of them and they're definitely the exception today)

I trace most of my sewing patterns anyhow, but to draw out an Enid Gilchrist pattern I use baking paper or thin sew in interfacing (Vilene) which is far more durable. Probably cheaper too when you consider its width. I place the interfacing on my quilters cutting mat and sometimes use double sided tape to keep it in place. My quilters mat is marked in inches, and most of the E.G. books I have are imperial. I just then use a ruler and pencil to measure and draw out the shapes. Seam allowances aren't included so I use a Sullivans branded seam tracer which is brilliant. I just run it along the edges which need allowances and the handy little spacer means I just trace over the lines I drew to mark out the pattern while the second pencil draws an evenly spaced line for the seams!

An Enid Gilchrist pattern from the more modern Baby Book. The older books were on paper similar to that used in modern newsprint and contained only diagrams and sketches of designs, no photographs and no interior colour.

A couple of poor photographs of a design I have drafted from an E.G. book recently (let's face it, no one visits my blog for my exquisite photography skills!)

Self drafting takes some time, but I enjoy the process. I did really well at Technical Drawing in high school (it was a compulsory component of my elective classes of Woodwork and Metalwork). I have many books teaching me how to draft my own true designs and not just mimic those such as Enid's, but I haven't yet the confidence to tackle those.

Spring is in the air for sure

2010-10-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

Spring is in the air alright, because it's up our noses and in our eyes. Darn hayfever! I've been feeling a bit snuffly the last few days and as irritating as that's been, my lil poppet has the worse end of the deal. We went for a walk this morning, all was good. Not long after we got home she started whining, and rightly so..

Her eye was very puffy, red, itchy and all round annoying. Leaking it's stickyness all down her cheeks. I gave her some antihistamine and hoped it kicked in quick. it didn't and the eye is still slightly enlarged. Poor kid. But today she's also walked into a table and bumped her tummy, got a paper cut on her thumb and had a headache. Wow. Talk about melodrama. School resumes next week and if this is what she looks like today I can only imagine the panicked phone calls I will be getting as of

next week. Not to mention how hard it is for Jess to concentrate when all she wants to do is rub at her eyes and she can hardly see out of them because they're so gummy and feel like they are made of sandpaper. How the child manages to learn anything at all the entire school year is beyond me! She's such a little trooper, and grumble as she may she still gives it her all. You can make out the small hives under the eye too.

We had a big argument the other day (yes Jessica and I) about her attire. She had on stockings/tights and a t-shirt and I told her we were going for a walk to the shop and tights are underclothes, please put a dress over them or swap them for some pants/shorts/skirt. Basically, anything but what she was wearing. She huffed and puffed and rolled her eyes and I was starting to get quite annoyed as she'd been in one of those "ugh!" moods all week. So I yelled. And I told her "if you can't dress yourself, I will dress you!". Well, didn't that go down well :-/ I chose her a dress and she begrudgingly went and put it on and left the tights underneath. When she emerged I told her the tights had to go. More huffing and groaning and the tears were stinging her eyes but she fought them off well. I then had to brush the rats-nest that was her hair. I had bought her some lovely flower clips and a sequined headband at Cotton On Kids our last trip to Perth which she had refused to wear, so keeping with the "ok, I'll dress you" theme I decided it was about time she did. I braided a section of the front before wrapping the tail of the plait into a bun and securing with bobby pins, and sat the flower up by the bun. Then for her comfort, I neatly brushed back the remaining hair into another bun. When the heat makes you itchy the last thing you want is hair hanging down creating heat.

She cried, she yelled and she sooked something cruel about the whole process, but she looked great! When we got to the shops many people told her how lovely she looked and she was in such a foul mood she barely grunted at them. That was my patience done for! I really can't tolerate her being so blatantly rude! Needless to say we had a big discussion when we got home about how talking to people like that makes them feel bad, and it only makes you feel bad, how she needs to watch her attitude and a myriad of other things that had been bugging me that whole week (like how she sulks when she's asked to be careful with Tian and other ridiculous things). We've had a better couple of days since and when I mentioned we were going for a walk to the shop this morning, she did her best to describe what I did to her hair the other day and asked me to put it up the same today (I plaited the big bun before coiling this morning). SCORE! Sometimes I have to enforce my mother's law only for her to realise she likes it. Like denim, she flat refuses to wear it. I ~~forced~~ encouraged her to wear a denim pinafore while in Perth and whaddya know, she decided she likes it. She can have her independence when she's like, I dunno, a mother or something. For a little while yet she is still my little girl and I will ask her to do things my way. Like it or not. (you can still see that puffy eye)

Jessica has decided riding her bike is awful, and all but refuses to ride it. Not impressed. The last couple of mornings she's wanted to take her doll Lucy for a walk, I don't mind a bit. Until we have to stop because Lucy needs something, or Jess is cranky because the sheet is flying away in the wind (the sheet is one of Jessica's old bassinet sheets, a number of her old things were delegated to the dolls). This pram (stroller, pushchair etc) is fantastic, we bought it for her a few Christmas's ago. The handle is high, it's a good solid pram, has a basket under it and even seats for two dollies! She tried walking with the el-cheapo plastic stroller the other day and it's so low she had to walk all hunched and crouched. It looked awkward, and painful! I don't know why she still insists on using the small one. I think Lucy enjoyed tis morning's walk. I sure did.

Just for fun, a photo of Jessica showing me just one of her many (many!) tricks. She, of course, think's she's extremely clever. Thank goodness she's only fallen the once. Not like that was fun when she ended up in hospital in a makeshift neck cuff. Our swingset is used more for hanging than swinging and we have a big, dome shaped climbing frame in the backyard too. Jessi hangs from it by one hand and spins. I just cringe! I don't think human bodies are designed to do what she does. It's like she turns herself inside out somethings. The kid needs a gymnastics class to focus her energy. No chance in this town. (see all those ugly dead weeds where once there was lawn? oh what to do)

Aussie gardens, a whole new world

2010-10-06T21:17:00.000-08:00

I was chatting to a friend from the USA during the Aussie winter, saying I needed to get out and do some gardening. She asked me quite genuinely how that was possible, did the ground not freeze too hard for that? There are so many aspects of two highly similar, advanced Western civilisations that we just don't consider. Mostly due to the concepts being so "foreign" to us. We all understand the different use of words, footpath vs sidewalk, cheque vs check, neighbour vs neighbor, but ground freezing, and using a stick of butter, canned pumpkin, not owning an electric kettle? To me, these things are extremely foreign and harder to grasp than some South American civilizations eating guinea pigs for lunch.

My Australian winter in a semi-arid landscape is extremely different to the winter my friend experiences in northern United States (forgive me a moment for forgetting which state exactly..). I have other friends in Minnesota, and even some in Alberta Canada and it's crazy talking to them when they are snowed in and their kids are home from school because the roads are impassable. Snow days? In Australia? Highly unlikely. Well, perhaps in the mountains in NSW, but since I've never been there I can't say for sure. There is one place that I am aware of that it "might" snow in Western Australia each year, Bluff Knoll. A beautiful scenic hike, I sometimes hear news stories of people being surprised by bad weather and search crews being launched to save them. But as I said, this little black duck lives inland WA, in a semi-arid (semi-desert) climate. While we have eucalypt "forests" (see, even that is a term I don't use in day to day life) much of the area around me is dry salt flats (salt lakes in my own "language" lol), and low scrub like spinifex (which wikipedia.org just corrected me by saying is actually called "triodia". But if you ever walk through this stuff, be wearing leather pants or cricketers shin pads or something. It's evil and SPIKY!).

What is the temperature range here? In winter we range from about 5C-16C, but trust me, it gets colder! This past winter we had a -6C. Bye bye anything that was once alive in the garden, the frost was so thick and heavy. In summer the average temps are more 16-32C, but again, we live semi-desert and it's not at all uncommon to have days upon days of 48C (118F). But as the Bureau of Meteorology uses statistics from all records the medians even out a lot more. Due to the salt lakes we're often on the states weather report as "lowest overnight temperature", even if that is only a -1C (30.2F). We have a dry, often windy heat. It does get humid but it's nothing compared to the tropics. Humidity usually only comes when it makes a poor effort at raining.

What I was actually getting to with this post, which has blown out beyond my imagination, was Australian gardens. I love my garden. It looks like crap because I abandoned it so long :( I've deliberately let the lawn die as Jessica is badly hay-feverish to it and it makes her eczema itch, and I've not determined what to replace it with. So far the weeds think it's heaven! It's kind of crazy that so many people here plant tropical plants like palms, and even lawn. I mean, they need so much water! We're almost always on water restrictions here, year round we can only water gardens 2 days per week (as determined by the last number of your house address, so me being at 120, the 0 indicates which days of the weeks I can water) and there's talk that soon we wont be able to water gardens with anything but grey water (from sinks, showers, washing machines). There are of course a lot of roses and other common flowers in neighbouring yards, but I personally like something low maintenance, pretty, and preferably native. I particularly love eremophila, grevillea, sturts desert pea, boronia, geraldton wax, among many many more. I am not fond of bottle brushes (although there is a well established one in my front yard) or a few others, but recognise their rightful place in our environment. I want to bring my garden to life with native Australian plants, to encourage the birds and insects which rightfully belong. Sadly, my neighbours have many cats which pose a real threat to everything. Including my plants as you will see below. Now, I am not some "it has to be Aussie!" pain-in-the-butt, as you will see below.

Here's some of what is flowering/thriving in my garden right now;

A variety of eremophila

The ever hardy little alyssums. Such tiny plants but so full of flowers, and they live year round. Yay!

Some bulbs I have planted, and some that just grew of their own accord (probably planted by previous owners and dormant for a number of years) such as snowdrops, grape hyacinths and dutch iris. The very last photo of the set below is a bulb growth, laying flat on the ground. My freaking neighbours have sooooo many cats and they're digging up all my plants to poop in my garden. I am NOT happy! They also get under my house and fight, climb with muddy prints on my car etc. I have some gladiolus bulbs to plant and am hesitant due to the pesky cats!

Hyacinths Lily of the Valley Ranunculi

I love freesias. They have such a lovely perfume, are a small and non-invasive little plant which self sows, so they grow back year after year, for free!! I missed their prime flowers, but I still thought this was a nice picture.

I also wanted to share this eucalyptus with you. It's been growing down by my gate since I bought the house, but at one point it was all white-ant (termite) eaten so dad chopped it down with a chainsaw, right back to ground level. Rather surprisingly, it grew back more vigorous than ever! It's not flowering right now, and has some kind of black spot fungi that I need to identify and treat, but it's a lovely plant. Until this morning's blog post I had no idea it was a Eucalyptus Macrcarpa but while I was googling to find links to some of the natives above, I stumbled upon this fabulous native Australian plant photo gallery which made identifying my eucalypt so much easier. Yay! Check out Australian Native Plant Society for yourself and particularly, their alphabetically listed photo gallery.

If anyone can help me identify these flowers I'd be most excited! I have owned and resided in this home for 7.5yrs now. About 4yrs ago now these bright orange flowers appeared. They seem to be a bulb, or at least to self sew like the freesias, they also grow at the same time as the freesias. The photos are terrible, they were taken on my mobile phone just as these flowers were about to die off. They have 6 petals, a yellow centre and black eyes between. The plant is also similar to a freesia in that it is low growing and the leaves and long and narrow. I haven't the faintest idea what they are, but anyone who sees them exclaims at their beauty and wants seeds. Well, if only I knew what to tell them.

I have to finish repairing the reticulation (that I put a pick through some time ago) and plant some seeds and the potted shrubs, find something to replace the lawn with that is child play area friendly, plant the gladioli and agapanthus, deter the darn cats and just kick this garden back into shape. I did spray all the weeds occupying the space which was once lawn, it's a start. Slow and steady is my motto these days. I burn myself out otherwise then never go back to finish what I started.

In stitches

2010-10-06T02:22:00.000-08:00

A shadow work embroidery

A little embroidery I was working on at my sisters house. Three weeks in someone else's home about drove me nuts! I think the pattern was part of a pattern from and embroidery magazine I got at an op shop (thrift) which I don't have on hand right now. I wanted to try my hand at Shadow Work Embroidery (a really quick search found this tutorial). See how it looks like the ribbon/bow is outlined in a darker purple and subtly filled in a lighter shade? Well, it's all the same thread, but the way in which you work it is what gives that subtle, almost pencil like filled in appearance. The threads are criss crossed on the reverse side of the fabric, and the fabric is sheer, so what you are seeing as the pastel is really just the criss crossed threads showing through the thin fabric. The above photo is the truest representatin of colour.

I really like the design, and the effect. I have no idea what I will use this little stitchery for. My bullions (for the roses) are terrible! It's been such a long time since I embroidered anything and the needle really wasn't appropriate. I actually went to Spotlight and bought the voile, a hoop and cottons (Anchor, because it was slightly cheaper than DMC) and a silver quilters pencil simply to try shadow work, and because I was mega bored! The piece is on a square of voile about 6x6inches.

Jessica's Halloween costume is coming along nicely. The silver fabric (it's sort of like a satin) was a thrift find and I cut a very basic circle skirt. The poodle was supposed to go on a shin length skirt and I was so worried about room for the leash I wasn't paying too much attention as I placed my stencil on and one foot has come off the material. Heck! Umm.. ooooooops :D I had been going to make the entire poodle in felt but it seemed to heavy for such a light weight fabric. Can't say I am loving the patches of felt but Jessica is happy and it's she who has to wear it. I did purchase a diamonte buckle for the "collar" but it too was too heavy (and a good 0.5cm too big). Jessi thinks her poodle needs an eye, so I best find something or stitch one on. The tail was sort of a yoyo (suffolk puff) to give some dimension, as you can almost see in the top right hand photo. The bottom right hand photo is the reverse side of the fabric. As mentioned in an earlier post, I bought a 1950's circle skirt costume pattern in a second hand store, but I didn't use it. They wanted me to cut something like 6 1/4 circle panels. I cut my skirt in one piece. All it needs now is a waistband and a hem (without losing too much foot!) and for me to make her headscarf (out of some lovely spotty chiffon, also thrifted) and maybe, just maybe alter a white t-shirt to match. If not, plain white t-shirt it is. Jessica wont appreciate a bowling shirt and it's a costume, I am just not putting that much work into it. Embroidery floss used on the poodle is the same floss I purchased to make the shadow work embroidery above.

Note to self, buy a bigger embroidery hoop. Six inches is great to manage, but too freaking small for things like the poodle!

Sunshine and smiles

2010-10-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

Spring is definitely here. One day it's lovely and sunny and just touching on too warm, the next it's cold and people are relighting their fires. But those sunny days are definitley enjoyable! On Saturday I took Jessi and her friend Georgina to the park, where we met up with my friend June and her baby girl Tian. My little cousin Shania soon joined us and we had hours of laughs and frolicking and happy kids. I love watching kids play. They're so sweet and mostly innocent. Thankfully Jessica doesn't have friends who tease or call names, the most yelling they do is "watch THIS!" excitedly as they swing like monkeys or climb up the slide without using their feet (that was a tricky feat! but they achieved it).

Jessica and Georgina spent a good hour just collecting gumnuts, which my clown of a daughter kept calling "acorns". Anyone think she watches too many American tv shows?

They climbed on everything in sight.

Tian is just learning to walk, so she got a little grumpy when the big girls ran off and she couldn't keep up, but she was happy all the same and enjoyed raiding their pile of gumnuts!!

Such gorgeous kids! They make me happy :)

On the crafting front I am working on Jessica's Halloween costume. They usually allow them to have a free dress day at school (uniforms are compulsory here, even in public schools). But this year with the 31st being a Sunday I am not too sure. Either way, I will make the costume and see what happens. She finally chose something not a princess, fairy or evil! I keep trying to drum into her that Halloween is about dressing up, not being a vampire or a witch. She came home from nanna's one evening while I was browsing online costume shops, so of course she had to have her say. We went through pages and pages of costumes, her usual likes being the Disney Princesses, anything remotely fairy.. all pretty standard horrible stuff. But she did suggest she liked a 1950's poodle outfit, in amongst all the "mummy, you know I really like this one" and me reminding her she could like it all she wanted, mummy wasn't buying it. So I took the poodle skirt idea and ran with it! Knowing how easy it is to make, and how she will be unique! I really want her to embrace herself, not be a cliched little copy cat. So, poodle skirt it is! Funnily enough, on my last trip to Perth I found a lot of sewing patterns and even happened to find a poodle skirt costume in Jessica's size! Not that I needed it, but it's fun to look at. I also picked her up a little pettiskirt in Perth to sit under the poodle skirt to give it some dimension.

I bought a new toy, I will have to get some pics and share ;) Jessi loves it maybe even a touch more than I do! A local entrepreneur is opening up a regular market type thing and I am thinking I need to get my backside into gear and actually make things I can sell. Always a daunting thought for me.

Allergy is no joke!

2010-09-28T20:09:00.001-08:00

I tend not to get caught up in the hype that is constantly aflutter surrounding food allergies. I will openly talk to anyone who broaches the topic as it is a HUGE part of my life, as my 7yr old daughter suffers Anaphylaxis.

Jessica is anaphylactic to treenuts, sesame and latex.

She is reactive to egg, potato, peanut, banana, dust, mould, animal dander, rodents, grass, pollen, and a myriad of other things. She also has severe eczema (currently 90% controlled with immunossupression therapy) and asthma. All of which interact.

Now, allergy, anaphylaxis, intolerance are definitely "buzz" words at the moment. I'm not so sure many people really understand the difference between an intolerance and anaphylaxis. Hell, Blogger is even flagging Anaphylaxis and Anaphylactic as spelling errors, so clearly not even in their dictionary!

Anaphylxis Australia describes Anaphylaxis to mean..
(source http://www.allergyfacts.org.au/whatis.html)
Anaphylaxis is the most severe form of allergic reaction and is potentially life threatening. It must be treated as a medical emergency, requiring immediate treatment and urgent medical attention.
Anaphylaxis is a generalised allergic reaction, which often involves more than one body system (e.g. skin, respiratory, gastro-intestinal, cardiovascular). A severe allergic reaction usually occurs within 20 minutes of exposure to the trigger and can rapidly become life threatening.

This is what we, the parents (and the sufferers) fail to get people to understand.

ANAPHYLAXIS IS LIFE THREATENING

Having a child who suffers anaphylaxis is terrifying! Here I was worried about school yard bullying, and yet the problem is SOO much bigger. In the last week, an Australian network (Channel 9) allowed a comedian onto their popular TV show entitled "The Footy Show". I am choosing not to name the comedian, link his website nor the YouTube video of his performance on the Footy Show as it will only increase his profile! So anyways, this "comedian" (trust me, I use the term lightly) decided to mock children with food allergies.

What the hell was Channel 9 thinking???

They would never have allowed a comedian on air mocking children with Cancer or other terminal illness, which in many ways, Anaphylaxis is. I was alerted to this controversial topic through my Anaphylaxis Talk forum friends as a group had been formed on Facebook. There are many furious people.

I read on the Facebook page today that The Footy Show is "considering airing an apology" on their next show. TOO LATE!

You've just let the entire country think that food allergy is something comical, a joke, something not to take seriously!

I have been thinking about this topic over and over for 3 days now. At first I did not join the group, though I did watch the YouTube video of the comedian's performance, I went to his website and saw he is so unoriginal that it wasn't a new skit, but something he has been using for some time. How un-funny does a person have to be to mock ill children?!?! He claimed in his skit to be a father of a 13yr old, who knows if this is true, but if it is he has clearly been blessed with healthy children. Something not all of us are so fortunate to receive.

Anaphylaxis sufferers (it annoys me when people say "food allergy sufferers" because bee stings, medicine, latex.. so many non-food items can cause the exact same responses) in Australia struggle to be recognized as having a serious medical condition. The must carry Epinephren Auto Injectors (commonly known by the brand name EpiPen) with them everywhere just in case of a reaction. To school, to lunch at the cafe, to the park and the pool. Everywhere! An autoinjector is filled with adrenalin and injected (yes, as in needle) into a persons thigh in times of severe reaction. Do you know the signs of Anaphylaxis?

From Anaphylaxis Australia

(source http://www.allergyfacts.org.au/whatis.html)

Mild to moderate allergic reaction
• Tingling of the mouth
• Hives, welts or body redness
• Swelling of the face, lips, eyes
• Vomiting, abdominal pain
Severe allergic reaction- ANAPHYLAXIS
• Difficulty and/or noisy breathing
• Swelling of the tongue
• Swelling or tightness in the throat
• Difficulty talking or hoarse voice
• Wheeze or persistent cough
• Loss of consciousness and/or collapse
• Pale and floppy (young children)

My daughter Jessica suffered an anaphylactic reaction in November last year and it was terrifying! She wears a MedicAlert bracelet always. She doesn't take it off to sleep, shower, swim.. I replace it as she grows or things change, I always include my phone number. My biggest fear is losing her. All parents could lose their children, but I know the risks are so much higher with Jessi due to the speed at which Anaphylaxis can kill.

Did you know that the airways close, they swell shut? If a person goes without oxygen for 3 minutes they can suffer severe, irreversible brain damage. My daughter could die within minutes of ingestion or contact with one of her allergens. DIE. DEAD. Gone forever. Yes, it really IS that serious. Why is it people still think food allergy is a joke? Just people being bothersome?

In Bunbury hospital after suffering Anaphylaxis
in Nov 2009

I will never know for certain that being without the EpiPen that day would have been the difference between life and death. I will always remember the fear I felt at knowing how violently ill she was, vomiting all through the car, crying, complaining of an itchy throat, hacking coughs, face so blotchy, red and swollen, getting weak and my own anxiety at knowing I would have to jam that damn needle into her tiny little leg and wait. Just wait and see what happened. Calling 000, trying to direct an ambulance to our location in a town I didn't know. Hearing the ambulance drive by us, cos let's face it, my directions stank! Having to let my baby girl get in that ambulance on her own so I could follow in my own car. That was THE hardest thing I have ever had to do as a parent. I'm crying now as I write this, reliving those feelings. At the hospital they went straight into panic mode. An EpiPen is a temporary solution. Time enough to find help. Said to last about 20mins. At the hospital she was in Emergency right by the nurses station, I had to explain the whole latex allergy in a mad hurry so they could treat her. The put an IV into her arm and drew up adrenalin into a needle and it sat on a trolley RIGHT beside her. Just waiting for that moment it all started over again. Thank goodness it didn't. We had to stay at the hospital, in emergency with that needle full of adrenalin taunting me for over 4hrs. They had to wait for her facial swelling to subside, for her to be able to eat, and to be absolutely certain she wouldn't re-react.

Jessica's IV after Anaphylaxis

As scary as that entire ordeal was, I will also never forget how quickly the EpiPen worked. I was on the phone to 000 when I administered it. Jessi was SCREAMING "mummy no!" over and over and over, my own resolve was gone and I was crying and telling the 000 operator I didn't want to do it. She reassured me she would talk me through it, and I recall feeling like an idiot because I knew my daughter needed the help and I have been trained and know exactly what to do. But oh the feelings you experience when you're actually faced with it! That EpiPen.. my oh my! Within 30seconds she was looking better, the redness and most of the swelling simply vanished and she was still crying but not looking so sick. When the ambulance arrived she was doing ok. She was 6 years old.

The guilt still sits deep within me, knowing I gave her 2 squares of a chocolate that I didn't realize contained hazelnuts. Just 4% hazelnuts (as stated on the pack) and only 2 squares, and that's what my daughters body did to her. That's what I did to her.

Jessica will never play with a basketball, never enjoy the freedoms of eating out and eating anything on the menu. As she gets older boys will be a huge issue for her as she can't just kiss some random guy, what if he's just eaten nuts? Not to mention the latex allergy causing issues for contraception and womens toiletries.

80% of kids with egg allergy "outgrow" their allergy, just 20% of kids with nut allergies will outgrow their allergy. That is a huge, HUGE 80% who don't. And sadly, latex allergy will never go away and will only increase in seriousness with more contact. Sesame is on the Australian list of top 10 food allergens, but not the American. It's interesting how those top 10 lists differ in other parts of the world.

I wish Anaphylaxis would get more coverage, more understanding. By telling your child they should "wipe peanut butter along the corridors" may seem harmless and funny to you, but how about I tell my daughter to walk those same corridors carrying a gun? Yes, your harmless peanut butter is like a loaded gun to children with food allergies. It, like the gun, will kill. You have the comfort of knowing your child will safely eat that peanut butter, or clean it away and laugh at it's sticky, gooey texture while the anaphylactic child is huddling in a corner from fear.

So begins a new chapter

2010-09-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

I took this photo of Jessica this morning. My goodness is she growing so fast!! This will be the last gorgeous photo for a while, both her top front teeth are wobbly at the moment. (it looked really washed out so I used "auto correct" in Photoshop Elements and now it looks really odd).

So, I quit my job. It was a decision I didn't want to have to make. It also took me a long time to make it. I realised when the problem person left work, the problems weren't going to go away. My employers refused to recognise the mistreatment and bullying (among other things) that were occurring. It came down to one meeting where, when I got very upset and frustrated and asked to call the meeting short as I could no longer concentrate or put together words, and they said no. I left that meeting and promptly wrote my resignation letter.

I was due to go to Perth for a week of work conferences just days after I handed in the resignation. Conferences I was REALLY looking forward too and had tried holding out for. As it was, I went to Perth to have a bit of a break and spent some time with my sister, a few nights with my best friend on her 158acre property where we shared breakfast on the porch with the horse, then nanna and Jessi took the train to Perth to meet me as Jessi was due to see her dermatologists.

The dermatology appointment went really well! Her dermatologist delcared her an "Imuran success story". Imuran is the immunosuppressant (azathioprine) Jessica's been on for, well, maybe 18mth-2yrs now. Basically her skin is looking fabulous and it seems the drugs are working!! She does still get boil like sores on her calves and for the first time in 3yrs we were actually able to show these to the dermatologist. She is now back on antibiotics to try get rid of these. It seems she is still carrying a lot of MRSA and it feels like we'll never escape that damn infection.

There is so much I want to say, so many things I want to share. Maybe now I am not working I will be a better behaved blogger and post more often? Who am I kidding! I know my track record ;) I am hoping to start making some items to sell, I have been drafting out patterns (sadly not my own or I'd happily share), cutting out fabric ready to have a big stitching day, and seriously contemplating where my life is headed. I still haven't worked that one out, but for now I am going to enjoy being a stay at home mum once more.

Organised Chaos

2010-08-14T22:02:00.000-08:00

I owe the biggest, most belated thank you to Kali of

POPPY LANE

I won a giveaway she hosted way back in, hmm.. March? Yes, I have been a BAD blogger! I am so glad she emailed me to tell me of my fortune, as I had been such a bad blogger I wasn't even reading blogs! There is one item missing from the above photo, a lovely quilted notebook folder. Which I coveted and used right away. Jessica tried sneaking off with the little pink purse (which is for her) and I made her return it until I had taken photos.. ummah that I did not do the same for myself! I will photograph it soon!! I love everything! The fabric used for the little zippered pouch and pocket tissue case is soooo sweet, and those coathangers, omg gorgeous! The little round wooden things are buttons, aren't they sweet? Knowing me I will always be "saving them for good" then in 4yrs time wonder why I never used them. I'm terrible like that. Whether I am reading blogs, or recieve a RAOK like this, one of the first things I do is "OMG!! I have that fabric!". I have no idea why, it seems so stupid. But each and everytime I catch myself doing it. The only fabric I have which Kali used above is the tiny pink and white spotted poplin. I LOVE all the corduroy she used, it's so soft. Check out her blog, she does lovely work and shares tutorials for some of it.

I don't think winter and I really get along. I feel so drained all the time. That said, I feel worse in summer! Hmm.. So I haven't really completed anything. Infact, I've spent so much time with a friend that everything at home has been very neglected. Now I am trying to spend more time at home, she is feeling neglected. Does anyone see the trend here? It's no win no matter what I do.

Jessi had her first ever fringe (bangs) cut into her hair

Jessi's new fringe makes her look a lot older. Well, she is 7 and I guess to her that is very "big girl" but wow.. My own mum didn't even recognise her for a few moments. That made Jess very sad but it highlighted how one small alteration causes such a drastic effect. Her skin's looking a bit nasty again but she's been generally very healthy. She hasn't had any serious problems with her asthma this winter!! We still run backwards and forwards to Perth far too frequently to keep a check on how the immunosuppressants are going in her system. They (currently azathioprine) have some nasty side effects which we've managed to avoid. Jess has finally caught up in school and is now reading with the top of her class. Over the last 2yrs she missed so much due to her health that I was worried she'd lag for some time but she's a determined lil thing and works hard. She likes school. Last week she tumbled, head first, off her monkeybars. Now, that was a little scary! I didn't see it happen but I ran to her when I heard her screaming and when she told me what happened I was a bit wary as she said "my legs feel weak". I took her to the hospital, they went into "neck/back damage" mode and had her in a makeshift neck cuff (small sandbags as we weren't sure what the paediatric neck cuff was made of). She was fine, she is fine. Kids fall down. A lot of people are moving away from town and she's having to say goodbye to a lot of friends. It's been quite disruptive.

We celebrated a first birthday party for Tian (Tee-arn) and my-oh-my was Jessica jealous! We spent a good 2 days with June and Tian setting up the party and Jessi misbehaved so bad! She's usually such a delightful little person. But it soon became obvious an attack of the greeneyed monsted was in hand. She hasn't had a party since she was 4, and she let us all know it!! Because we live in a small town and you're lucky if the supermarket has milk in stock, we found decorations for Tian's cake and the cake decorating activity June wanted the child guests to do, Jess and I spent hours one night at June's dining room table separating licorice allsorts and using tiny tiny cutters to cut out shapes, and I sliced fruitsticks to create little flower shapes. June also had a kids pizza topping activity, and finger painting. Look at what Jessica did to her dress! It was only a $6 opshop (thrift) dress, but it was in great condition and we both loved it. It's now a dig-in-the-dirt-to-your-lil-hearts-content-dress. Not to worry, it's only a piece of clothing and is easily replaced. She wasn't very impressed about me recording the moment!

Above: I am still unable to tame Blogger! Grr! Stupid photos.

A scrapbook page sitting on my desk. Nothing is glued down, I can't decide where I am going with it. Believe it or not, it's been on my desk about 3 weeks and toyed with one or twice. Blergh!

I got a nice, new book. The plan has always been to do some vege gardening. Our house is on a 1/4acre block so we have the room, but do I have the mojo? Moving right along..

Tian's actual 1st birthday present, still a pile of fabric. I have a pattern in a Handmade magazine for a teddy bear made from towelling nappies (diapers) or old towels. June had some cloth nappies that had worn thin and happily gave me a couple without questions. My friends kindly picked me up some Parisian Essence on a trip to Kalgoorlie (they found it easily in Woolworths) and I used an entire bottle to dye the nappies. I added in some vinegar then rinsed with Epsom Salts. Will see if that helps set the colour any. Tian's bday was 10th July.. the photo was taken today, 15th August.. SHHH!

Jessi took this photo of my stepfather and I putting together her cubby house? Did I ever blog about this? I don't recall. Anyways, the house is together, the frame is together. Those 2 pieces still need connecting and the slide and rockwall to be added to complete it. This was bought for xmas 09. Yes, it's now Aug 2010 and she still can't use it.. again with SHHH

So, that's kinda what I have been up to (or not) of late. I have some hyacinths from a friend in bloom which make me smile. She gave them to me the night before she moved away. I have some other bulbs in the ground that seem to be sprouting and an order in for more. I have to go away for 2 weeks at the end of the month and I am really looking forward to it. Work's been a complete and utter nightmare and as pathetic as this is to admit, I don't want to work anymore. I stick it out, but I am beginning to despise it and the more I feel that way the sicker I feel. It's not been fun. My cousins are all pregnant again. By Feb 2011 my four cousins (they all live locally so they're friends too) will have 11 kids between them ranging in age from 12 to newborn and it includes 1 set of twins. My sister and I only have the one each. She's sort of sworn off kids but I've wanted another for so long now. Jessi does too. Well, she wants a brother or a sister lol She can wait at least 15yrs before she has a child of her own!

Once more I find myself glad I didn't share this blog with a bunch of real life people/friends/family. I feel so censored all the time at facebook and such that it's nice to have this outlet.

Long periods of absence

2010-07-27T17:13:00.000-08:00

I'm still here, just not blogging. I know, I so often take these absences and the only way I can explain it to you is that I am not happy.

I haven't even posted the WONDERFUL package I won. Must do that!

Things have got to me again lately. Everyone seems to be leaving, my little girl is asking the hard questions, work's been a living hell, I've spent so much time with 1 friend I am sure the others feel abandoned yet when I spend 1 day at home that 1 friend feels abandoned, I keep getting headaches and I feel so lethargic. So, as this is a blog dedicated to my crafting adventures and with the way I have feeling I haven't completed anything, there really hasn't been anything to post.

Worse yet, is I haven't been keeping up with the lives of my blogger friends! It's one thing to feel all mopey and another to withdraw so completely. I need to get my act together!!!!

By the end of Aug the problem person at work should have left and I will be ready for over a week in Perth for training and conferences for work so things should start looking up. I can't let myself think that whomever fills the position of the problem person at work could possibly be worse. I know there will be a period of heavy adjustment as it will make for 3 new staff in the last couple of months, 2 of them supervisors. And by new I mean never employed in our town before so know nothing of how things operate for us. But it will afford the opportunity to show them what I know and my skills and not be oppressed by a person who assumed as they'd done my job before that they knew everything. I am ready to embrace that opportunity!! If things did get any worse I would be forced to quit. I am not this strong person everyone keeps telling me I am. I simply can't cope with those kinds of attitudes, more than that, with the unkindness. I try so hard to make things right, I need to stop caring. Easier said than done.

So anyways, I have a teddy bear cut out. It was supposed to be for the 1st birthday of my friends little girl but as I spent so much time at said friends house it didn't get sewn in time. I started a scrapbook page but walked away from it, I dabbled in hand sewing some baby shoes but mucked them up so bad I lost interest, and I still have a lonely knitted baby bootie waiting for a mate. I supscribed to Australian Homespun magazine and eagerly await the first issue to arrive, and my subscription to Ottobre was just renewed. In theory, you should be seeing something out of me soon...

Need to blog

2010-06-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

Ok so my blog has been on a semi-hiatus. Again. I know, it happens so frequently. Life is a little bit more than I can manage right now. I really don't know how others do it. I am trying not to be online so much and to do EXTREMELY overdue work around the house, garden etc.

Work has been extremely stressful. It's amazing how the relationship with just one co-worker failing can create so much chaos. Today I am in two minds; lodge the discrimination grieveance report or let it go? I think I really need to lodge it, it is discrimination after all not just a personality clash. Just happens to be the woman I'm having the personality clashes with though. Just to make it harder! My mum says quit, my coworker says let it go, my friend didn't know what to suggest. I feel so stuck, so very frustrated and it's really getting to me.

I have a little blog package I am hoping is in the mail today. I won a draw a few weeks back on another blog and it was posted last week. I will tell you all about it when it arrives!!! I can't wait to see what handmade goodies are inside.

Jessica and I went back to Perth at the end of May for her specialists. Nothing really new to tell you there. We return in another 3mths to do it all again. I took a few extra days this time and enjoyed a semi-break. It was nice, but hectic being in Perth with so many things to do and people to see. Actually, biggish news is we both got our hair cut. I had mine cut quite short. I am a fan of my long hair but was bored and decided it only grows back so there is no real harm. I had a fringe (bangs) cut in for Jessica. She's 7.5yrs old and never had a fringe and it was amazing to see how different she looks! I have exceeded my bandwidth so will have to put up photos another day :)

While in Perth I bought a few bits of fabric from Spotlight, nothing major. I got some curtain rings and drawstring to make Roman Blinds (one day, it's on that ever growing list of things I must do) but I did get quite a lot of fabric at thrift stores. I also got 2 small jars of buttons and wow were there some little treasures. I will photograph a couple of the more interesting ones to share with you.

I would really like to start working with wood! The Knock-Off Wood site is so inspiring and I have always loved woodwork. My friend and I were the only 2 who took woodwork as an elective in highschool (we did metal work too but I wasn't so fond of it). I have an outdoor table base a friend was throwing away and hope to give it a new lease on life. Trouble is, hardware store here is small and has a few basics but as I need a large amount of lumber I will have to travel 200km one way (2hrs drive) to buy it, then drag it all home on the trailer. Not so much fun :) But I am looking forward to a trip out of town, I want a latte!!!

At this very moment I am really glad I shared my blog only with those in my "real world" whom I love and trust. I've been increasingly frustrated with Facebook and the like as it's not really 'friends' and you can't really say what's on your mind. Last night when I was deciding "do I quit, or do I harden the fk up and work this out?" my facebook status read "hopes it continues to rain". That was NOT gratifying. I see many (MANY!) people constantly whining about work and colleagues on their facebook and it doesn't end in a good place. I try to keep things off those kinds of topics and if all else fails, I go find a quote which speaks to me in that moment and use it as a status. A recent example, I was missing a friend and I had heard in part the quote "Distance is to love as wind is to fire: It extinguishes the small and kindles the great." --unknown Not only did I think the quote was beautiful, it really meant something to me in that moment so it became my status. That way I felt I had said what I wanted to say (in a round about way) but other people weren't prying into my life in a way I didn't want them to. I often use innuendo, am quite vague or cryptic. It bugs people but too bad for them really. Anyways, that was way off track!!!!!!! What I was meaning to say is I am glad my blog can still be that place I don't feel like I need to censor my words.

I have 20mins before I have to head to work and I am feeling all queazy in the tummy. I am really not appreciating all this uneccessary stress and tension. I don't want to have a bad relationship with ANYone let alone my coworkers, supervisors etc etc. I don't deal with this stuff well and my indecisiveness does not help. I am worried I might be seen as the "office complainer". The very first time I had a complaint I came "THIS CLOSE" to quitting! I didn't want to make that complaint then. I even called the 2nd in charge and asked how much notice they would require if I were to resign. I decided to step up, grow up, and go make the complaint. I can't say I regret that decision as I really do love my job, but it didn't serve to make things any better. If I do quit, I would be penalized by Centrelink a) for quitting and b) because Jessica is over 7 and I am deemed to be able to work no less than 15hrs a week due to her being in full time school. In a small, isolated town finding a new job that works around Jessica will be close to impossible. My current employers are extremely forgiving and allow me to have Jess at work with me on days she is ill or during school holidays and they also afford me that time off I need to take her to Perth. Granted, that time off is all my RDO's (Rostered Days Off) and annual leave time, but it often comes at short notice. If this one lady would just step up and act like a half decent human being things would be a whole lot easier. I don't honestly know what her issue with and yesterday she confronted me. She asked me "Is there a problem?" in a tone that implied she was unaware of any issues. Which is complete and utter BS given I have had 2 meetings with our superior to discuss these issues, the last being only April 30th! I don't honestly know what to do :(

There's no such thing as normal..

2010-04-12T04:08:00.000-08:00

Ok, so how do we define "normal"? I don't even want to try. Though right now I am a little perplexed at Jessica's measurements. I had traced her a little pinafore from an Ottobre Design magazine even though I had no real idea of her measurements, or what the books measurements equate to in ready to wear sizing. Today I stole her for 5mins and did some measurements, and let me tell you, she was NOT impressed!

But what I find now is she is a typical size 6 (using a few sources here, Simplicity envelopes, online searching, Ottobre) all except her hip which comes up as a size THREE!!! Yes, size 3 hips.. On the Ottobre patterns she actually fits into the "toddler" category and she's 7yrs old!

She measures;
118cm tall
62cm bust
58cm waist (allowing for the little pot belly she poked out, I may have to redo this one)
60cm hips
26cm back waist
39cm outside arm
9cm shoulder width
76cm outside leg and
53cm inside leg

I don't really know what this means for us. I don't really know how to buy pants that stay up but are long enough, we have this issue a lot. Oh dear.. I need some help! I want to keep sewing, but I don't want to sew things which don't fit. eek!

Holy Smocking!

2010-04-10T21:17:00.002-08:00

I went back to a tutorial I was going to try once and never did, by Lia of Lia's Space for a pattern she calls Diamond Smocking. This is done in the "American Smocking" method I believe.

I re-sketched Lia's diagram not for any other reason than I bought my stitches closer together. Lia had a row of dots between which I am unsure it it were intentional or not. This is my diagram, based on the method explained here. Please see the original site for a written tutorial. Very simply take your needle up through the fabric at dot one, down at 2, up at 3 and so on and so forth. The other thing I did slightly different to Lia was I took my needle under just a few threads right underneath the dots on my fabric. It gave me these cute little 4petal type flowers. Lias's method bought 4 dots back together as 1. I probably should have used a larger dotted fabric for this example!!

On my quest to find smocking tutorials using the American style, I came across a great blog called La Sewista! where the author Bunny explains many smocking styles! I had no idea there were so many!! You can read about them here. She lists English (what I always thought was traditional smocking), American/Canadian, Counterchange, Italian Smocking/Shirring, and Picture smocking. In my travels I have also seen variations on the above forms with Geometric Smocking, Dot to Dot Smocking, Lattice, Continental, Grid Smocking... WOW!! Are you keeping up?! Although people who do English smocking (the variety that is pleated before embroidered, often with the pleats let out after construction) typically use a pleating machine it wasn't always so. With amazing precision those pleats were once hand sewn, often using a grid of dots much like the American smocking.

In close reach I found a copy of Australian Smocking and Embroidery Magazine (Issue 45 1998). This magazine is still printed in Australia and popular world wide. It includes full paper patterns for the garments as well as smocking patterns (called plates) as well as all other kinds of useful info. For example, this particular edition shows you how to use a pleater to pleat a curved panel. The two pictures and examples below are photographed from the Australian Smocking and Embroidery magazine Issue 45, 1998.

Counterchange Smocking

design "Journey of the Heart" by Alexandra Baldwin (South Australia)

English Smocking (combined with Heirloom sewing)

design "Enduring Spirit" by Lyn Weeks (Illinois, USA)

I have absolutely no idea what I will do with my samples of smocking, but I have enjoyed the process and being introduced to some very clever bloggers along the way!!

Delicate and Dainty

2010-04-10T07:15:00.000-08:00

I want to make myself a scarf. I don't wear scarves.. Hmm! I'd like to, I just think they look odd on me and I'm never quite sure what to do with them. But I am going to make one all the same and see what happens. I wanted flowers, and toyed with the idea of using all kinds of flowers. In the end I liked the pattern posted at CrochetMe enough that I will just do one very long chain of these sweet flowers. They're quite large. I'm using Bendigo Woolen Mills 8ply cotton which is so soft, like brush cotton, and a Brittany 3.75mm (F) crochet hook. Perfect! In all honesty, I think I should have used a slightly smaller hook so the flowers were tighter. I will see how this goes. I don't like repetitive and I don't like sewing in ends (for every flower there are 2 ends to tidy away). I might dress it up some when it's finished, but for now it really is a case of "let's see where this goes".

Smocking is NOT Shirring

2010-04-10T04:48:00.000-08:00

I've been playing around with smocking. American Smocking apparently. I never knew there were two styles, one American the other English. I have a few books that contain smocking info and of course various issues of Australian Smocking and Embroidery magazines but I'd never actually done any! All that pleating and embroidery really put me off. Seems the American style doesn't need pleating, only well placed stitches. I say a post on the OnePrettyThing site for a smocking tutorial and decided I REALLY needed to try it. I dug out some remnants of spotty fabric (let's face it, I am far too lazy to draw all those dots!) and gave it a try. The tutorial I used can be found here.

These were rather large dots each spaced about 1.5cm from centre to centre. I really love the effect it gives! I did this row by row with just sewing cotton and a needle. I may go back over it with embroidery floss. (the measuring tape used is in inches)

Although Kara at Craftastical! did a fantastic job of the smocking tutorial I still managed to muck it up! Below is the first try, on a much smaller dot printed fabric. The results are pretty cute, though now how it was supposed to be. I do like the zig-zag effect!

One of my pet peeves is people calling things by the wrong terms. This is smocking, it is NOT stretchy. Go for it, make it with elastic thread.. it still wont stretch. It's not supposed to. The stretchy thing you're thinking of is called Shirring! Smocking and Shirring are two very very different things! Shirring has, in the past, been called "poor man's smocking". So, if it's elasticated and gathered do the right thing and refer to it as shirring. It's not smocking. Smocking takes a whole lot more work!

Another common mix up is when it comes to multicoloured thread/yarn. Almost always called Varigated when the correct term is Ombre. Do you know the difference? If you're a yarn lover you really should..

While we're on the "peeved" topic. I am curious why people who sew and flaunt their "designs" are so lazy as to not add arm scythes to their garments? Don't know what an arm scythe is? It's that curve that goes under an arm, where you'd insert a sleeve. Now, most of the garments I am refering to are tanks, ties, halters. There are no sleeves. But for whatever reason these "designers" drag a garment (usually for a little girl) straight under her arms and around her back. It draws the bodice down in front, is awfully uncomfortable to wear, and means the back too will be low. I am guilty of this also. A ladies skirt I reconned into a dress for Jessica in a real hurry. It looks awful! The arm scythe (dip under the arm) makes a garment fit better, sit better, and more appealing to look at. Try it out!

Fluffy bunnies (of the non-allergic kind)

2010-04-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

My co-worker (of sorts) asked me last year if I could make a rabbit costume for her daughter. They were going to a themed birthday party and the lil lady had her heart SET on a rabbit. Of course she said "I'll pay you" but I never asked her for anything more than a photo. I couldn't get the pattern I wanted when at Spotlight so I settled on KwikSew 2711 which had a bunny, cat, dog and pumpkin. The ears were supposed to be wired and a headband underneath, I didn't do any of that!I even managed to sew the hood on wrong way round and unpicking overlocking (serger) stitches was too annoying so I literally cut it off and restitched it.

Nothing about it is perfect, it was only to be worn for 1 night. The tail was stuffed with fibrefill, it does up with a few tabs of velcro (hook and loop tape) and simple elasticated wrists, ankles and about the face. As it was a late early spring party I opted to make it in flannel so it was nice and snuggly and she could wear tights and a skivvy (turtleneck) underneath if she needed extra warmth. It was a couple of sizes too big, but that really just added to the cute factor!!!!! I've only just received copies of the pics.

The view from down low

2010-04-08T04:52:00.000-08:00

When I decided to write about photos my daughter took with her new camera, it was this photo which inspired it. I loved her perspective. I can't say I even know where she took this photo other than "Perth CBD" somewhere! Yet, when I posted her photos I missed this one! The one that made me want to tell you all how clever I think my little girl is, how she has such a unique look on things. I've let her loose with my in the park one day with a bunch of her friends and she got some truly stunning photos then! This photo? To me this photo is creativity and perspective and a hint of how she sees the world. A simple yet elegant light fitting on a plain brick wall. Something I didn't notice, but Jessica did.

Bunnies and Bdays

2010-04-04T22:09:00.001-08:00

Jessica and I took some time today to stitch a lil rabbit together. We found the pattern at Day to Day but is actually the design of Juliannlaw of Flickr. Jessi is a lefty so I cut out the pieces for her yesterday. We started by stitching on his ears, but the needle I'd grabbed was horrible to pass through the fabric so I did the first ear. After I found a sharper needle, Jessica stiched the 2nd ear with me holding it taught. I embroidered his face, she pulled the needle free. I also made 2 tags from twill tape, one is the date and the other says "By Jessica" so she will always know when she made it. I just used water soluable pen and ironed it. Have learnt the hard way that once you iron those pens they don't budge. At all. Ever! (Jess has a little dress which proves this..).

When it came time to work at the sewing machine her interest waned. She couldn't sit on my lap as the desk is too deep and she had no room for her legs, so she stood in front of me and I sewed and she removed pins. I reduced the stitch speed (love that option on my machine!) thinking she'd be sewing, but she didn't. Just helped guide fabric a few times but was happy taking out pins. When we started turning him right way out Jess rose to the task and giggled a LOT! at one point he had no ears or arms, and the thought that was pretty cool. Finally, onto stuffing. A task she really enjoyed!! To say I was surprised is an understatement. To me it seems the most tedious task, but she loved it. She kept "losing the hole" which made her laugh a lot!

Today is also my 28th birthday. My mum works away on a minesite so I woke up to a call from her this morning. Jessica and Nanna came in not too long later and Jess had chosen me a little teddy ornament which says "A Wonderful Mum". As she had her choice from my mum's entire store, I think she chose well :) Nanna said she could pick something else too, and she opted not to. I like that she was happy with her choice. It's very cute and always nice to have some affirmation. My friends and I went out last night for an Easter dinner a local motel's resturaunt put on. It was $35 for the buffet meal and made for a nice change.

The food was nice enough, I actually felt they could have done better and that the presentation of the room was lame. The bain-marie was in a room all by itself. The rest of the room was empty, and it was a huge room. It looked really sad! For desert they had meringue, pavlova and a fruit platter. A little disappointing to have meringue and pavlova when they're practically the same thing! Cissy didn't even eat desert. She waited til we got back to her house and ate an easter egg instead. So she, Helen and I then watched a DVD and I was in bed by 10pm. Been incredibly tired of late.

When we went outside to take a photo of Jessica's bunny creation, she asked me to watch her on the swingset, which is very typical of her. Swingset, climbing frame, dancing across the floor.. it matters not! She likes you to give your undivided attention. So she was her typical monkey of a self and was showing me how she could cross and uncross her arms while hanging from the top of the swingset. She rarely uses it to swing!! (and yes my yard is a dust bowl. I got tired of playing super-mum and opted to let it die! Though that's only what was lawn, the garden beds [for the most part] are doing well).

Jess must have some real upper body strength. All she ever does is hang from things. She was counting blisters on her hands in the car the other day, I think she said 21 over both hands. Sheesh!!!

Overload

2010-04-02T02:41:00.000-08:00

I will have to get in the habit of blogging more regularly, then I wont feel so overwhelmed when I do decide to blog. Maybe I should set photos to upload before I go to work so when I come home all I have to do is write!

My little teaser the other day is the most adorable cross over baby jacket. I think the back is too big, the pattern piece was missing so I traced the front, but I get the impression it should have been narrower. The jacket pattern actually used bias right the way around the neck and sleeves, but I don't like bias much. Plus I had a completely un-used roll of the most perfect coloured ribbon! Scored it in a bulk eBay lot of lace. So, avoiding bias, I made my jacket reversible. I sewed the two wrong side together leaving an opening in the back to turn it out. Sorry my pics are crap, it was late! (**see note) The jacket pattern is Simplicity 9647 size Newborn Babies dated 1980. Will upload a pic next time I am using the camera. Thank you to my friend Toni of ChickChat for gifting me the pattern (and many more! PS. go check out her scrapbookin!).

(**note) As there was no picture people reluctantly bid and as the seller said it was a plastic grocery bag full I figured "who cares?!". Turned out to some some seriously vintage, as well as fun, laces and ribbons. Many of which there were metres and metres of, and I think I paid $6 something for the auction and maybe $6 postage.

My Amazon.com order arrived Friday last week. I bought 2 "self help" books and Carefree Clothes for Girls. Now, I was going to shop "local" on the so called "Australian Amazon" at fishpond.com.au but for Carefree Clothes for Girls alone they wanted $49.99AUD!! Ouch! Now, the photograph of the invoice to the left is in USD but I can confirm at the time of purchase my total invoice was $63.23AUD! The books totalled $40.36 Aussie dollars and the remainding twenty-two or so was postage. Hmm.. Where would you have shopped as a single mum on a shoe-string budget?

I've been meaning to sew Jessica some winter pyjama (pajama, pj's) out of flannelette. I was horrified when trying to find some online that it was all $24 per metre!! Ok, so Anna Maria Horner and co, your fabrics are gorgeous.. but well an truly out of my budget. Oh how I'd love some Amy Butler, Heather Bailey, Cath Kidston, etc :( I love to browse online but it gets a lil depressing after a while. So anyways, can't afford online flannel and live no where near a shop. So looks like I will be either buying jammies for the kiddo or they will have to wait for our next trip to Perth where I can go in store at Spotlight and buy some boring old unprinted flannel for $3.99/m. I might even splurge on a knit to make them more comfy (lacking warmth though).

How you know your kiddo is unwell...

It's 4pm and she is sound asleep in the back yard and not climbing or hanging from that yellow and red contraption she loves so dearly (it's a dome shaped climbing frame).

Unfortunatly when we disturbed her we found she'd had an allergic reaction to who knows what! These reactions are becoming more and more frequent and she's starting to get really frustrated and upset with her lot in life. Just yesterday she was eating BBQ Shapes and both top and bottom lip were ever so slightly swollen. Enough so she'd scratched it terribly and made her lip bleed. After she had some antihistamines and it had all settled back down her lips were all peeling and cracked. Not pretty :( She was really annoyed too as she LOVES Shapes! I tend not to discuss Jessica's allergies here too much as it's such a big part of our real world that neither of us enjoy. I do sometimes wonder if I should be doing more advocacy. While she is anaphylactic (could suffer anaphylaxis) to tree nuts, sesame and latex, her allergies are much more involved. She reacts to a lot more, and her skin prick tests even say she should avoid peanuts, orange, banana and others. We have a great team of Allergists at Princess Margaret Hospital for Children who believe removing foods from her diet which don't cause her any major dramas is more dangerous to her ongoing health. Her diet actually HAS to include banana and peanuts at least twice a week. Jessica also reacts to dust, almost every animal, scented things (like scented tissues and toilet paper). Sometimes it feels like "you name it, she'll react to it". But we also don't put her in a bubble. As a child's most susceptible years are from the ages of 10-25 when they are more independent, ascerting their rights as individuals, prone to peer pressure etc I teach Jessica now that yes your lip is itchy and horrible, but go take some antihistamines and you'll feel better. Or in the case of it reacting in the form of her eczema we apply the creams or run a cool bath. It's important to me that I teach her how to care for her own needs as best I can. I can't and wont always be there for her (as much as that pains me). We have our epipens, and she takes a "medicine" bag with her wherever she goes. I must admit, it's far easier to avoid food and read labels than it is dealing with the latex allergy.

Did I leave my mind at your place?

2010-03-31T17:18:00.000-08:00

All afternoon yesterday I was feeling the urge to sew. Even though I have a long "to do" list I couldn't come up with anything I actually wanted to do. That changed.. Sometime after 9pm last night!!! After trying in vain to find a pattern I didn't have to trace, was the right size, was cut in the right size.. I finally found 2. So I had thought! One of them had been cut in a size 2, so I was under duress to use the other. I do like it a lot! Around 10pm I am pinning out this pattern for my daughter to have a new dress for "free dress" day at school today. Yes, TODAY!

Well, I was up til 1:30am, I mean, of course i had to unpick a few things. Infact, that is a gross exaggeration. I unpicked just one straight line. So proud of myself! Even on the most basic of items I usually spend half as much time sewing unpicking!! My zip went in brilliantly first time around too. Jessi gets up this morning, asks if I'd found her something to wear and I show her the unhemmed dress. She liked it! "It's good you used bright colours" she grinned. Yes darling, I know how you adore all this garishly bright and make your mummy cringe. The only problem? It was miles too big!!!! Simplicity 8620 in a size 7 dated 1970, and it's a good 2 inches too big, basically 2 sizes! We went and found another dress to wear to school. The orange gingham tie is a real leap for me.. I'm such a matchy-matchy type and this doesn't match! But it does compliment. I think?

I have to catch up on posts. Been too busy admiring everyone else's blogs! But headed out to dinner tonight for one of my dear friends birthdays, and then it's my bday on Monday. Of course, it's also Easter this weekend and Jessica is looking forward to learning to sew. I can't wait to teach her! She all too often hers from me "not today honey" or " in a minute" repeated to her endlessly. Not this time! She wants to sew, let's sew! We're going to started with a bunny Melissa posted and may move on to the horse she wants to make from an Australian Country Threads magazine (vol9 no10). See how quickly she tires of the rabbit first!!

pastels appeal

2010-03-29T04:46:00.000-08:00

Too tired to write a post, but isn't that pretty? Will clue you in soon.

Poppets Perspective

2010-03-26T20:15:00.002-08:00

As mentioned, Jessica got a digital camera for her 7th birthday from my sister and I. Here are a few snippets of her photos! You can really see her concerntrating and some of the scenic pics I really really like. She has nothing but potential, in an art form that has no bounds and is free (besides batteries).People (row by row); Her cousin Hayden, Myself - Hayden, Hayden and Nannie (my mum) - My sister (i like this pic!), Hayden with new shoes - My mum's best friend, Jessica's dermatologist (who had no idea Jessi was weilding a camera and when it flashed she laughed "Jessica! Oh my goodness that's going to be horrible. Delete that one". She is a lovely, lovely lady).

People again (clockwise from top left); Self portraits... this is one of a few she took... I was floored! I think my sister showed her how to do this though, so that explained it a lil. still wow! - me again - myself, mum and mum's friend at my sisters old house - my nephew Hayden and I waiting outside a hotel in Perth while mum was inside making enquiries - mum - mum's friend

Inanimate objects -- you think she's seen me take photos of my crafts a few times too often? :P The doll clothes were all new, so I suppose the wanted to document them. The top left photo the clothes were purchased from Pumpkin Patch but the others were all from thrift stores. She LOVED mum's different hair clips and took a photo of the similar one I was wearing too but it looked really weird. And I have to laugh at the photos of books. We went into a book store, just killing time. She is walking around taking pics. I was actually embarassed by it! Anyways, she took a few different photos of Mr Men books. When I asked her why she says "So I know what ones I don't have". Ok, that's a fair comment. The novels.. well I can only assume the images appealed to her in some way :)

Scenery (row by row); The tree was across the road from my sisters last rental, extremely tall and this day was full of parrots. Jessi was photographing the parrots. Flowers in Raine Square, Perth City - graffiti and scaffolding from bus window in Perth city where they're erecting a new entertainment centre, sunset clouds outside my sisters - another really nice silhouetted sunset, a Perth city tourist bus taken while we waited at a cross walk - she just managed to cut the bird out of this pic (top right of the photo) which is actually really good considering how high the tree is and how much zoom she must have been using, a lovely photo of a tree outside Princess Margaret Hospital for children that I had no idea she had taken.

My lil love

2010-03-23T16:55:00.005-08:00

I have the most gorgeous daughter. When she isn't being 'when she was bad she was horrid' she is of course 'very very good' minus curls on her forehead. She has moments of pure love which are so delightful to see. She asks for a hug many times a day, but sometimes there is this gleam in her eye when she does, and you just know that in that moment, all she can think of is that hug and being close to you. Kids are so precious.

Last night she came in and said "look what I made you" and presented me with this lovely little picture. They're hearts, as people. She typically draws her people with clothes and adornments, so she really thought this one out. I melted, it was such a beautiful moment and an absolute surprise to me. I LOVE that we're holding hands! I have an amazing, wonderful daughter and I love her very much!

(and the lovely dry erase board was sent to us from our friend Jessie in North Carolina, and Jessica's barely put it down since it arrived! She has oodles or art supplies, and this simple little drawing board is her fave. We've played many a game of noughts and crosses on this little thing over the past week).

Capes and cakes

2010-03-22T03:07:00.006-08:00

One incomplete scrapbook page. The bottom left corner needs something, I just can't work out what! But as it's been sitting idly on my desk for a week or so now and still no bright ideas, here it is. Kaisercraft Argentella papers & pearls, stash lace and trim, shabby "melted" flower with an old odd button in its centre, franchville brads and a little white flower out of a card making kit, and some black ink (office style! lol no fancy scrapbook/paper craft inks in this household). Inspired by this layout, found on pencillines.com

I actually used that teal trim on a skirt I made Jessi. I got her to choose from 2 different blue/teal fabrics knowing I wanted to use that trim. She looks at the finish skirt, namely the trim, and says "don't you have that in a different colour?". Erm.. no! *lol* Kids!!

This is the lil cape I want to make Jessi, and the fabrics I have chosen for it. Jess loves BRIGHT! The brighter the better. She makes me cringe.. but if I want her to wear it then I can at least start with something she might enjoy. Mum says "but it wont match anything she wears". So what? She's 7.. like anything she wears matches anyhow. Unless she's in her school uniform ;) The pink paisley fabric selvage reades "Watercolor Memories by Fabri-Quilt Inc Design #9635" and I do like it a lot.. just wonder if it's tooooo much on a big project like the cape. I don't recall where or when I got the fluffy cream stuff. Probably in a remnant bin somewhere. It's so deliciously snuggly I'd rather make a pillow case out of it so I can snuggle it!! The pattern, Simplicity 5480 is dated 1973. I think the term "vintage" is well and truly over used online, so I will not call this a vintage pattern!

Here are the baby shoes mentioned in my last post. I really enjoy sewing baby booties, usually from free patterns! They're all so similar to those being sold it doesn't make sense to me to buy patterns. But I splurged a lil this last week and bought a couple, including some of the "big 3" (Simplicity, Butterick etc). The brown suede is something I picked up in a thrift store and lined with a fabric my mum gave me from an old craft group we had locally (selvage reads "Marcus Bros Textiles Inc"). I love the little creamy flowery fabric, I think it would make adorable Amy Butler Kimono style pyjamas!! I don't have her book though. Anyways, simply lined with cream flannelette.

Suede shoes pattern - Prudent Baby
though I deviated from the pattern and made them from fabric, lined and as they currently have no snaps/buttons they're also reversible (hidden seams)

Floral Kimono style booties - Homespun Threads
I didnt like these once finished. The LOOK good but were awkward to get on baby's feet. I didn't take the time to make them reversible/hide the seams

I got a package in the mail today from my dear friend LeAnna. I actually thought it was my Amazon.com order at first!! There is a Vogue Sewing book (brilliant reference material!), a Sew Beautiful magazine, Craft Style magazine, Craft Stylish Quick Stuff to make and Where Women Create. I've already read 3 of them! So many gorgeous projects.. so many more things on the "to make list".. will I ever live long enough? *lol* and LeAnna also included a yarn doily in a lovely white yarn with hints of palest pink. I must say, it has a gorgeous scent about it. Perhaps she used a fabric softener or something. As everything in my household is washed in super sensitive powders etc I probably forget the subtle scents of laundry soap.

I've done a little baking this week. I made banana muffins and a chocolate cake last weekend, and another chocolate cake tonight. The one from tonight will most likely be binned! It was a Betty Crocker "Devli's Food" cake and it's really really BLERGH! It had 3 eggs, 3/4cup water and 1/4cup vege oil.. and it bloodywell tastes like oil! It's so gross. I didn't realise it came with a packet of plastic icing (frosting). I say plastic, cos not only did it spread like plastic, look like plastic, it tastes pretty darn plasticy too! And "super moist".. erm.. NO! I will never buy Better Crocker again. Ok, so I should have made a chocolate cake from scratch. It's not like I didn't have the ingredients in the pantry... So anyways, once this one is tossed in the garbage bin I will make another Greens Chocolate Cake. Now there was a lovely, moist cake with a nice sweet yet firm icing. mmmmm!!!!!! In all reality I should NOT make cake, or sweets, or any other yummmmmy thing cos well.. with only Jessi and I in the house to eat it... ummah! But I have a real craving for cake at the moment and have barely touched chocolate or icecream or biscuits in ages.. so a lil indulgence is ok. I will just have to remember not to make anything again for a few months, minimum!

Using Jessica's camera this evening to take photos (where mine is, I have no idea..) I found a heap of pics she's taken since getting the cam for her bday in Feb. She has some outstanding pics!! If I get patient and spend some time in PS Elements and collage them, I will share with you. Blogger is horrible at photo uploads!

What is beautiful?

2010-03-21T06:11:00.005-08:00

You know how we see things in our lives that really speak to us? I had one of those moments when I first caught site of this YouTube post on a friends Facebook page. I've reposted it a number of times, such an important message! But soooo much louder as the visual aspect really adds to what words alone only hint at. Share this with your daughters. Even your sons! Explain how false a world we live in. Don't "I blame Disney for my high expectations of men" (for those wondering, that is an actual Facebook group I have seen many of my friends join!) and don't let your sons think that a real girl has no blemishes and porcelain skin!

You know what, don't just watch it, share it!

So much of what we see is edited, we just don't realise quite how much!

Here is yet another REALLY good, strong message.

Beauty is fickle, cruel and artificial. Just as we find treasure in others trash, we also perceive beauty on an individual basis. I can assure you every woman in the world does not agree that Brad Pitt is the sexiest man on Earth, just because Cosmo says so. We can't stop the media, but we can educate ourselves and those around us.

A chance to escape

2010-03-21T03:38:00.005-08:00

I love books. I used to read far more, I just find when I am feeling glum I can't focus on anything, least of all words on a page. I finally picked back up a book I was reading, Vintage Alice by Jessica Adams (seen here) and Celebrity Bride by Alison Kervin (here), both of which were given to me by a fried who is in a mail order book club. She was away and four books accumulated which her mum failed to mention during their many phone calls. She arrived home having to pay for the novels, in which she had absolutely no interest. She very kindly offered them to me knowing I am a "reader".

Vintage Alice - Jessica Adams

I really quite enjoyed this novel. Through no fault of the story I put the book down for some weeks and really struggled to pick it back up. A love story, although not all roses with no thorns, and set in England.. it just wasn't what I needed at the time. I finally managed to get reading again and I quite enjoyed it. I was a little bit disappointed that the story of "Vintage Alice" wasn't what I had expected. It's more a journey. But the main character LOVES to sew and refashion and is planning a move to Aus. So there was plenty in there which I really did enjoy. The descriptions of Australia were just beautiful and at points I did wonder if any non-Aussies might understand some of the jargon. I guess this is the fun of novels, to lose yourself into another world..

Celebrity Bride - Alison Kervin
Admittedly, I would never have purchsed this book for myself. Infact, I rarely buy books at all. I picked this up the other afternoon after returning home from work, school runs etc. Hmm.. I had it read by midnight that night *blushes*. I barely put it down! That was a combination of enjoying the book and not feeling very well AND needing to not think about my own life for a while. I actually really enjoyed this book, even with its fairytale themes. And trust me, fairytale themes are the LAST thing I want at the moment! Just an ordinary girl getting caught up in the mayhem that is celebrity, it was really quite cute. In some cases I could forsee what was coming a bit too obviously which had me impatient for it to actually happen, but all round a very nicely written story.

I can't do photos at the moment. Kinda, sorta kind find my camera *blushes* I've sewn a few lil things and been working on a scrapbook page all week (yes, the very same ONE page!) but otherwise I have been more idle than I would like. I've pulled out a cape pattern and really want to make it for Jessi, but I am unsure if she'd wear it. I have this lovely soft soft minkee type fabric I'd line it with, it would be like wearing a big, snuggly blanket. I just get so disheartened when she says she doesn't like it/wont wear it. I keep hyping up the "you'll be the only little girl with a dress like this" and she's fine with dresses/skirts. I guess it's when I go to add in the slightly different pieces, such as capes *hehe* I want to make her some winter PJ's but looking online at flannelette for $24 a metre.. wtf?!!? I really wish I could get to Spotlight :( I am also wondering about winter clothes for Jessi. With her eczema she hates anything fleecy as it sticks to her skin (after she's scratched and it's bled/weeped) so.. hmm.. she needs some yoga style patns I s'pose, but they can't be all that warm! I don't even want to think about the impending winter just yet.

OOOOOOH back on the topic of books, I bought myself 3 from amazon.com the other day. Two of them about decluttering, then, rather ironically... a sewing book. Just to add to that clutter! I'll share details when they arrive. Haha. Anyways, enough babble out of me ;)

*edited to add in photos I took of the books on Jess's camera.. cos now I can't even find mine! *lmao*

Meeting Matilda

2010-03-12T21:24:00.007-08:00

Matilda is the newest edition to a very large collection of dolls within our home. I purchased her from http://www.australiangirldoll.com/ for Jessica's 7th bday and she was an immediate hit. At the time of purchase she was a limited edition, but it seems she is now standard stock. I borrowed the above pics from Australian Girl as my photo skills are non-existant and do their gorgeous doll no justice! (copied from their website but compiled into one photo by myself, and I added their web address to the photo so you know exactly who there are and were to find them). The clothes shown are the ones I purchased for Matilda. I like the other dolls, but their seriously dorky outfits/prints on the clothes put me off. Jasmine (in the satin party dress) was my doll of choice before Matilda was released. Not so keen on the ugg boots and dress though.. Overall, I am very pleased with our new "big girl" doll, to break away from the baby dolls just a little. Something different :) It's not that the baby dolls have to be retired, but choices and options. I say this in the nicest way though, I wanted a dark skinned doll. Introduction at an early age is important to me and although we have friends and associate with people of all races and backgrounds, I still think it being inside your home has a positive impact on a child. So another day I will find her an international/non-steryotypical doll. Now I just sound like an idiot. So on to the doll!

I had actually wanted and American Girl doll for Jessica, but the only place in Aus I could find online selling them wanted nearly twice their retail and the actual website doesn't ship to Aus. The thing I love best about the Australin girl is the vinyl chest, as opposed to soft stuffy one of the American Girl. So this girl looks cute in her singlets and no soft body showing up! (she is wearing her white knickers in this photo. Some modesty please! lol). Her hair is kind of awesome too, in this photo it is being held with nothing more than a single, glass headed sewing pin!

I made Matilda a dress. Jessi actually loves the name of this doll btw, she has the name she was purchased with. Jess loves the film Matilda right now so it worked out rather perfectly. The dress is a tiny bit too small, sewn from Simplicity 3936 for the slightly smaller (well, I can only assume from how these fit) American Girl Dolls. She is wearing the white purchased singlet under the dress and bolero. The bolero is just a tiny bit too tight in the arms, the dress well; the straps are too long and the arm scythes and therefore bodice are too low. All are stash fabrics and lace. I really like this outfit. I still have to sew the snaps on the back.

I hand sewed these little pyjamas for Matilda using Simplicity 4347. A reproduction vintage pattern that I bought at http://www.sewingpatterns.com/ and printed at home. I love sewingpatterns.com! So much cheaper than buying a store bought pattern in Australia and the convenience for me living isolated ;) I had this overwhelming feeling that if I didn't handsew something, I was a bad crafty mama. I know I know, this makes no sense. But I did it anyway and actually found it quite enjoyable.

I made these lil overalls on New Years eve, all hand sewn while babysitting. I actually made them for one of Jessi's baby dolls prior to buying Matilda and had to cut 2 inches off the legs for them to be long overalls on the baby doll. But they fit Matilda comfortably as shorty overalls.

The embroidery was not rocket science, I simply embroidered one of the flowers in the fabric design and added a bead to the centre.

Also on New Years eve and from the same Burda 8380 pattern I made this adorable little back pack. Hand sewn like the overalls above. I highlighted some of the damask print on the flap with pink embroidery floss and weirdly enough, the purple button looked better than all the pink, green and neutral ones I tried!

Overall I am feeling a little bit better, I will go back and edit the details into the "Bubbles" post later.

Lost in the cavern that is my mind

2010-03-11T01:46:00.005-08:00

I have copious amounts of writing paper piled up beside me, unsent letters. A way to try and sort my thoughts, sift through the crap and find the really important stuff. Basically, a bunch of imperfect sentences mishmashed on a page.

I am not coping.

Surreal, real, fake, lies, truth. Who knows anymore. I can't tell the difference. I am all cried out and yet the tears keep flowing.

It's like it never was, yet it was. And it was oh so real. I think. Do I know anymore? All I know now is the pain. And the tears. The tears just wont go away.

I'm not ready to talk, I'm not ready to work or eat or breath. But I have to survive. Find a way to see the positives. What positives?

Damn it all.

Do I want it back, or do I just *think* I miss it?

Longing. Aching. Heartbreak.

"i will be willing to listen when you're ready to talk"

but I'm still not ready to talk. I still don't know where I'm at or what I want or why it hurts so much. Running on autopilot, blind to all around me.

A gentle push, a kind word, keeps me afloat for a while but my head is dangerously bobbing at the waterline and when alone, begins to sink. Like now..

I feel like it was my fault. Like I ruin everything. Like I am not special enough to fight for or .. I don't know. I am too needy, too honest, too affectionate.. I don't know. Me. My fault. Fake. Gone.

Was it ever real?????????????

And I feel sick everytime I hear the tone to say I have email :(

Bubbles

2010-03-10T17:06:00.005-08:00

Kaisercraft Devonshire papers, a pale pale pale green cardstock, Kaisercraft rhinestones, a white heart brad with Kaisercraft Devonshire rubon rose and a Making Memories "love" rub on, the red rub ons are also Making Memories. I don't actually feel like this page is complete.

The orange floral paper shape was cut after using baking paper to trace the shape off a Basic Grey Lily Kate paper, and the swirls were sketched and cut by hand. There is a little bit of chalk on the edges of the orange paper, but it hasn't done much for it. I should have sanded it or something.

May be gone again

2010-03-05T16:43:00.003-08:00

Well, my blog may sit untouched again for a little. As may everything else. My "sweetie" called things off last night. Not coping very well, not accepting the situation at all. I had some photos of things I'd done but now I don't have the heart to write about them. So I apologise if you don't see me for a while. Right now I am going to curl back up in bed and cry some more.

LaDiDa Tada!

2010-02-28T07:52:00.002-08:00

Woohoo, another layout! All my stuff is kinda simple.. like REALLY simple.. The more I look online for inspiration the more I realise just how much I suck at this scrapbooking thing. But oh well! I decided I like www.pencillines.com and today found a really great layout there that I just adored, so I scraplifted it. It's from this post. I wanted to add some charms or something but my container is missing! OH NO!! I used Kaisercraft's LaDiDa range again, the 12"x12" papers, 6" pad, embellishment pack (tulip grosgrain ribbon) and Kaiser pearls. The piece of lace and plain white ribbon are from a super large stash ;) There are some benifits to multicrafts!!!

I can't date the photo as it's a rare print off I have of a whoooooooole lot of photos I lost on a thumbdrive sometime last year. I mean ALL my pics! The only ones I saved were those saved to the HDD of the old laptop and those on the newer computer. I am so disappointed and now have 0 faith in thumbdrives! But back to the pic, it was taken on the deck of a friends house while babysitting for her one day. I am actually thinking now I should have used the B&W photo not the coloured one. No mind. :)

The Docks

2010-02-28T02:25:00.002-08:00

Photos taken while walking from the E-Shed Markets to the Maritime Musem in Fremantle, WA. Jessica really enjoyed watching the tug boats haul and turn the ship. Papers are Kaisercraft Offshore collection, Q1 Offshore samples from the magazine and the compass is from the Q2 Pack Your Bags samples from the Kaisercraft magazine.

The real story lies at her feet

2010-02-26T19:56:00.004-08:00

Oh look, there's that photo again! *lol* I FINALLY got it scrapped, which was my intention all along. I just couldn't get it to work. A kind of pea green Bazzil cardstock, Kaiser pearls, Kaiser LaDiDa papers; 6" pad, and rub ons. The title of this post is what is written on the label. As much as I like the photo, the story of this statue is so very important. Not only to British and Australian history, but in world history. The way in which these children were bought to Australia, their treatment when they arrive... ALLL KINDS OF WRONG! I believe Britain has just apologised.. in 2009. Hmm...!!! There is actually a man in our town who was one of these kids. The photo lifts back and the photo of the plaque, location and date etc is all tucked underneath. I use a lot of hidden journalling on my pages. Do I mention this page took me TWO very long evenings? I wanted to use so much more from the LaDiDa range, like the cute lil birds.. Layering is not my thing apparently...

Jess had a birthday party at the pool yesterday and she finally got to show off her new found confidence and skills learned in swimming lessons over the summer holidays.

Knick-Knacks

2010-02-25T00:56:00.007-08:00

Woohoo, finally getting some stuff finished. Isn't it just a disgusting feeling when you've had UFO's sitting about and you can't get motivated to touch them? Well.. it is for me!! The photo is of Jessica at the Fremantle Maritime Musuem during our most recent trip to Perth to see her specialists. The statues are in thanks to the children of Britain bought to Australia. There is a story behind it all, very sad. If you ever get a chance watch the movie "The Leaving of Liverpool". A LONG moving but it needed to be to tell the story :(

My sweetie's fave colour is deep purple so for Valentines day I started tatting him Heart's Desire (pattern page 1 & 2). As soon as I decided I wanted to tat him something, again with the personal symbology, I knew I wanted to re-tat Heart's Desire. Unfortunatly it got way too hot and my rings wouldn't close so I had to set it aside. I'd had the card and started this at the beginning for Feb but it only went in the mail (express!) yesterday. I don't expect much of a reaction as a piece of lace wouldn't be every mans wishlist topper, but I don't care. He might see the symbology as I do ;) Tatted with shuttles and 2 strands of Anchor embroidery thread. Australian $1 coin for comparison.

As mentioned last post, 2 finished library bags. One for my cousin Eli with cute lil rocket ships all over and one for my coworkers daughter Georgina. Eli's has twill tape and Georgina's ribbon handles.

Jessica has once more been invited to the birthday of her twin friends Georgie and Charlotte (who will sadly be leaving at the end of this year) and we bought them each a My Little Pony as I didn't have time for handcrafted gifts. I made them a card each though. I actually wanted Jessica to make the cards, but she wouldn't. Patterned paper is from Kaisercraft's LaDiDa range, plus some Bazzil cardstock and the corrugated paper I have had for YEARS n YEARS!! The stickers came off a really cheap and nasty sticker sheet, but worked nicely on the cards and I imagine the little yellow flower brads are Franchville but I can't be certain as again, they've been in my stash a super long time!!

Back in Nov my cousin and his girlfriend welcomed twin boys into the world. They were living in the eastern states of Australia at the time but are now not only back in WA, but back in our town to be close to family. I just adore this photo of Jessica and Damian.

I am alive

2010-02-21T05:22:00.009-08:00

Ok ok, so I am probably the worlds best procrastinator. I do love you dear blog.. and I do mean to come and update you, I just get distracted or something! Probably more the "or something". I have left it far too long between updates and now have a backlog of things but I wont be posting them all. I have been busing sewing and scrapping, a tiny bit of tatting and not much else really.

Jessica has just turned 7, I am still in disbelief. My sister has announced a wedding date and I, well.. I am completely smitten!

Can you believe, I actually had a real Valentines Day this year?! Ok, so Valentines might be over-hyped and commercial but I'll tell you what.. I felt like someone's princess for the day and be it Valentines or any other date on the calendar, it was delightful!!!!!!! I bought this butterfly as it kind of symbolises this relationship to me. Not sure how he feels about a butterfly ;)

I just love this photo of my cousins little girl (therefore, my 2nd cousin) Shylah-Rose. She was a very wee babe when I took this. Papers are Lily Kate by Basic Grey. No idea what setting my camera was on cos this is kinda grainy! So is the next one.

My gorgeous girl playing on some climbing structure thingy in Fremantle. Papers are Fun in the Sun by Kaiser. Rubons are also Kasier, flowers too probably and the diamontes are Kaiser (Kaiser is all you can buy here!).

I loved this photo the minute I took it, I didn't plan on having Alexander flying through the air! Nanna and I were both asking the kids to sit/stand still so we could get a pic. Needless to say, they didn't listen! It looks awesome though. No idea what I was thinking as I scrapped these.. I was a bit distracted with chatting on MSN and when I woke up the next morn and looked at it I was horrified. The buttons, the safety pin.. umm?!!? So I added the tiny orange eyelets and an extra button or two to fill in some spaces and a few swirls with a Sharpie. I don't like this page, but it works. Must admit, "boy" layouts aren't really my thing! Papers are Basic Grey's Hang 10 and the diecuts are from the Q2 Kaiser magazine's Rewind samples.

We did manage to get them to sit, eventually!

Now, argue I have too much time on your hands if you like, but I scrapbooked all of Jessica's scrapbooks today... I dunno. I just wanted to. My fave is the blue/green heart one. My least fave the circles. Ok, so it wasn't the best idea but she LOVES it! It was a great excuse to go through my bags of scraps, and also to use some of those "old" papers like the Dena Designs I've been holding onto for YEARS but never quite knowing how to use. I also finished 2 library bags (sewing) but I will post them next time as I have no pics.

Back in November I had the honour of being bridesmaid for one of my best friends. Congratulations to Karen and Jesus. Kaz had a very "hand made" wedding. It was just lovely! Jessica was her flower girl too, for which I am so thankful! Karen's mum sewed her dress and the boleros, I sewed the 2 bridesmaids dresses and the flower girl dress, Vanessa (the other bridesmaid) decorated the cake, Kaz made the flower arrangements for the tables and other things. It was small, it was quick, and it was just gorgeous. The photos were heaps of fun too!

So much more to say and things to share but it can wait for another day :)

Hands down, the reason I am so slack to update my blog is simply because Bloggers photo uploading and arranging is PURE EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A new look

2009-03-15T05:04:00.005-08:00

Well, I spent hours at BTemplates this evening to find a new look for my blog. I am loving this design! I love that it is wider, that it has my prefered 2 columns, that it's softer on the eyes than the last template etc. My own dislike is that the date is not lining up in it's box, but it's so small it hardly matters. I would have prefered some tabs or drop down menus like the last teplate had to neaten up my side bar, but it's no biggie! I just like a clean and uncluttered blog.

When visiting other blogs I really hate clutter. It drags at the download and takes a while. I dislike music on blogs! When I am on my computer I have my own music going, music *I* like. Why do I want to hear 5 different lots of someone else's likes when I have blogs open? I blog surf, I click from link to link to link and save that which I like, move on from what I don't. If I start to hear music chances are I'll move on. If the page takes a month of sundays to open, I'll move on. If you have more content in your side bar than in your blog, again I'll move on. Why do people do that anyway? It's not like they spend time on the front page of their blog to benifit from the music and all the crap they put there, is it? I don't know. I sure don't.

Thankfully, it seems I still had a lot of my pics on my old computer, so I've not lost everything, just everything since getting a new computer some 2yrs ago. I'm still sad. I emailed Sandisk, and while I'm not holding my breath for a response I'm still hopeful. If not, maybe one of my computer tech friends can work it out. Curse computers!

A cute pic, just cos!

Out on the tramp with mummy and honorary Aunt's Cissy and Helen until 11pm! There was no way Jessi was missing out on anything. I am still surprised she managed to stay awake so long.

Little pretties

2009-03-14T17:46:00.004-08:00

Last night Jessi kicked me off the computer. How I hate that! *lol* But it was a good excuse to go do something! I grabbed some scraps of fabric and stiff interfacing and finally made myself one of these

I didn't have any ink for a long time to be able to print the template. I like the little dish, it's very sweet. It's cloudy today so the lighting is either poor or washed out with flash, sorry. I sewed the tacks on the wrong side, I had intended for the green fabric to be inside the bowl and the bright patterned fabric to be on the outside. Oh well :) It doesn't matter all that much.

After Jess went to bed and I had regained my precious computer, I sewed yet another pocket tissue case while chatting to friends. This is cute, but it looks tacky! Again, the photos aren't wonderful, sorry.

This is the pattern I used for Jessica's dress for the races

I didn't use cased elastic in the sleeves due to Jessica's latex allergy, so I made cuffs with bias binding. I've never done cuffs before, so that was interesting. I sewed 3 little hearts onto the bottom of 3 of the pleats but they don't show up too well in the pics.

On a really really sad note, it seems my thumb-drive has stopped working! In fear of this I had JUST bought a portable hard drive and now can't transfer anything to it. Please, does someone have any suggestions? ALL of my digital photos are on that thumb drive *cries* There's a good 3yrs worth *sobs uncontrollably* I have tried it on another computer, I am googling to try find solutions. Basically, the red light isn't coming on and the computer isn't recognising it. I have noticed that the device is getting mighty warm in the moment's it's plugged in. It's a Sandisk U3 8GB Micro. I am so sad right now. Best I go read my new Handmade magazine to feel better.

As the sunshine fades

2009-03-13T22:13:00.011-08:00

Summer is gone and the cool air is already moving in, which is surprising as it was such a HOT summer! Not only is summer gone, so is almost 1/4 of the year. I just don't know how time gets away from me so bad! I always mean to pop in here and update my blog, and then I get bored with the idea (or as is more the truth, too distracted by other people's blogs!) and when I finally go to do a post it's HUGE! I really need to blod more regularly. Yet, since I say that every time I do blog, don't get your hopes up :) I'm quite annoyed right this minute, I was doing the rounds of my fave blogs and it seems Flickr is down which means many of the images on blogs are little red x's. Boo!! On this note, I uploaded all my pics to Photobucket this time, since I didn't like the idea of another 6 hours for one blog post. I'll load them in as thumbs, you *should* be able to click them to see bigger images, if you so desire :)

My friend Marrissa of Through the Garden Gate and I have decided to try our luck at this years Mother's Day markets. Every year our small town holds a markets in the park and it gets smaller and smaller every year. We both enjoy creating (I'd say crafting, but we certainly don't limit ourself to crafts!) and it's not only our way of giving back, but to see if local people really are as interested in what we do as they say they are. We live in a tiny town, some 800 people, and the majority of them work for the local gold mine, so lets just use the S word and be get the nastys out the way. Snobs. They drive 2hrs ONE WAY to buy their groceries, they don't support local business. You know the kind, right? Nothing is ever good enough. We have a town full of them. So we'll try it out, see what happens. If we sell nothing then I guess all our friends know what they'll be receiving for bdays this year *haha*. It will cost us probably $5-10AUD to hold the stall so it's not like we'll be losing out. If we keep our target small and aim for the kids given $10 and told to "go buy something for mum" we might make back our fee. *lol* So as you see, we're in it more for the fun than to make mega bucks. It's always so nice to sit and socialise and markets are a great place for it.

It seems I had a blog giveaway win way back in January, and I had no idea!! Probably cos I wasn't checking blogs much then as I was away in Perth a lot (and my prepaid broadband is so expensive and that's what I use when not at home). It would have been some buttons. I've just sent an apology email to the wonderful host Jane of Pretty Jane. And here I was feeling like I've never won anything, ever. Well, now I can say I have, I just don't have it to show *lol* (I'm not claiming the prize after such a long time, just so you now. the email was merely for good manners.)

My gorgeous nephew is getting big. As much as I hate all the trips to Perth which Jess requires since being on Cyclosporin for her eczema, it allows us to see little Hayden all the more. Jessi dotes on him! She still wants a baby sister :)

My baby girl has turned 6! Amazing.. we didn't do anything for her bday as we had a very stressful drive home from Perth with her asthma. We only arrived home at noon the day of her bday, my mum was at work (she works away on a 2week on 1 week off roster) so she went to our toy shop with nanna while I raced home and wrapped some presents.

I've promised her a belated party cos Feb is just hectic in this little town, so many bdays! I have ideas piling up thick and fast.. Should be interesting. Jessi's eczema has never been sooooo brilliant! She was put on immunosuppressants (which still scare the hell out of me) but they're working! Jess is finally wearing socks! I can't believe it! It's been almost 2yrs since she agreed to wear them last. Such small things but so significant in our home.

I made some bits and pieces for Jessica for her birthday and she seems to have passed them. First off is my first ever patchwork and quilting. I've never done anything like it before, and I'm not sure I ever will. I didn't follow any patterns or directions. I made my quilt top, my quilt back, then made a sandwich of the two with wadding between, quilted it, then did the binding. Of all that it was the binding which made me wanna forget the whole thing! I flowed with the fabrics and I wasn't sure you could patch mitred corners but since I had no one to tell me I couldn't or that it wouldn't work, I just did it.

My fabric of choice

The Results

And a little dolls outfit made from a thrifted ladies shirt as seen some posts ago. The doll is one we bought at a stay in Princess Margaret Hospital when the doll we took with us went missing. She is Jessi's fave doll of choice right now and always seem to be naked! I used an old (I am reluctant to use the term vintage) pattern for these, I can dig out the details later if anyone's interested. I free formed the shoes with craft felt.

As mentioned, Feb is a big month of birthdays here so of course, we were invited to more than 1! The twin girls got these bags with hair accessories, while the other bdays got purchased gifts.

March saw the running of the local horse races which is one of the few social events in town. I had known for a long while I wanted to make myself an Infinity Dress, of which there is a really great tutorial on Craftster by Rostichery. Now, I looked at a LOT of similar dresses online to see what I wanted. I didn't "follow" the tute as such, just remembered the basics. I had bought fabric from my last trip to Perth to try this dress and it was quite hard to work with as it kept stretching all over the place. I borrowed an overlocker (serger) but the power cord seems to have been lost, which meant I sewed this on my regular machine. Nothing about the dress is "neat" or even "finished" (only the hem). I made a circle in a square skirt to get pixie hems and cut the circle too big *duh*. I also made Jess a dress from yet another old pattern. This one is without dates on the pack but I'm leaning toward 70's from the style. It's a "one size only pattern" and one of the few I had in a 4. I let Jessica choose the fabric, I wasn't even sure I had a zipper, but it all came off well. I don't have any good photos of my dress and will have to get some at a later date. As I cut the circle too big it was a bit too short in some places and I kept tugging at it all day! It was fun to wear, very comfy, and we both got some very lovely comments about our attire. I just found a pic of Jessica's pattern online at Wikia

Last minute I also made us each something for our hair. Mine is crazily crap, but hers was very sweet!

Since Jessi is anaphylactic to latex (as well tree nuts and sesame) I made some beanbags for her classroom to use in place of balls where possible. Her teacher was delighted. I think there was around 20 in all in 2 different sizes. So easy to make! I didn't hand stitch them closed as I was making so many and they're no worse off for it.

I've made myself a pincushion, trialling an idea/pattern. I am sure I have this in a magazine but my recent reminder was from Whosie at Whosie's Written Whatnots which she has titled Doily Pincushion. I would love to have had some small vintage doilies to play with! I'm still pleased with my pincushion. It helps that I am IN LOVE with this particular fabric! These are in mind for our afore-mentioned Mother's Day Stall. Not sure..

Also in mind for the stall, some pocket tissue covers. These are all the wrong size, too big, too small. Still trying to get it just right.

Sew Hip is a really cool magazine which I am so pleased to be able to buy here in Aus. So far we've had 3 issues and I am in love! I am sick of buying mags a few issues then they stop selling them. Bring me back I Can Make It Myself (which I didn't realise was Aussie until just now, so will be hitting up the newsagents to reorder this one!!!!) and Better Homes and Gardens Quilts and More. Anyway, getting back to Sew Hip, I have issue 3 and decided I liked what was coming in issue 4 so much I made it already, without the mag. As you can see, it's not perfect but I didn't put too much thought into it anyhow! I figured I can wait to read the pattern in isse 4 *lol*. I do need to move the button embellishments as they're far too low.

I've had some interesting thrift finds lately. Would you ever believe what size this dress is?

If you open the pic with the tags you will just see it's a size 8!! That's tiny! Compared to me anyhow, I am a 22! Yet the pic of me, in the dress, is me in the dress. Completely un played with. Hard to believe, huh? I decided to refashion it into a comfortable fit as that elastic waistband is sooooo tight, and add some length to it. I almost had it, almost wore it out. Then realised there were some ginormous errors and haven't yet got back to it. I need to rework that dress! But alas, winter is coming so the urge to perfect dresses is dwindling.

Another interesting thrift find is this fabric panel. I have no idea what I am going to do with it, but I can assure you it wont be making a box o_0 what an odd reason to make a panel. It has some really cute prints which I am sure can find a much cuter home!

Some unusual printed fabrics, again I don't know what I am going to do with them, I just find it impossible to leave fabric at the thrift shop!! I got plenty more, these are just more interesting. And I am sure you get sick of my posts being weighed down with images of fabrics that are all so old! I wish I had the $$ to go buy some Maria Horner and other bright, fun, modern fabrics. Maybe if I get the job I have an interview for on Monday I can. What's the bet I have to order them from the US?

A cute apron I thought would be good to draft a pattern from. I was disgusted to see it was made in China, I thought it was a handmade piece. Oh well. I wonder what they used the Velcro strip for?

And a pic of Jessica with her 11yr old aunt, whom she hasn't seen since she was 6mths old. To me they look very similar yet people keep telling me how much she looks like me. I think she is her dads family all over. Not that it matters, she's my princess no matter how she looks :)

I am sorry for the ultra messy layout. I am tired, this still took ages, and Jess has been begging for the computer for hours. Enjoy :)

The kindness of bloggers

2009-01-02T04:37:00.004-08:00

Lady Shuttle Maker is having a giveaway on her blog that I just HAD to enter! I have always drooled over her work at her Etsy store!!

She asks that we link to her on our blog and I am going to do this in a post as I like to keep my blog "clean" of the million possible links I could have cascading down my sidebar. I frequent so many fabulous blogs and draw much inspiration from so many people for a myriad of different crafts. They all deserve a special place really..

Check out Lady Shuttle Maker's blog;

http://ladyshuttlemaker.blogspot.com/

Not only does she make brilliant ceramic shuttles, she does some amazing tatting work also. I really must start tatting again. Once the heat dies down that is!

And of course, the direct link to the competition
Tatting Tales ~ All things Tatting (It's an obsession): Ceramic Tatting Shuttle Giveaway

Goodbye 2008 - (pic obese!!)

2009-01-01T17:15:00.036-08:00

You have got no idea how thrilled I am that 2008 is now in the past. It was such a horrible year for Jessica and I! My thoughts are that 2009 can only be better (and I say that lightly, cos it's always when you think things couldn't possibly be worse they go downhill in a dramatic way).

Lets hope there's no more of this

Jessica's 2008 was spent so ill, she missed a lot of her preschool year and had too many hospital stays. She was put on an immunosuppressant in November (Cyclosporin) and thus far we have found it to work!! Her eczema has decreased incredibly and she is more in control of her skin now. She scratches less and is a happier child. She is wearing clothes (such as tights and leggings) which she refused to wear in the past as her skin was just too sore. She's also on a long term antibiotic as the entire year of 2008 she was on and off antibiotics for infections. We're still finding when she comes off one antibiotic she needs to go back on another and after contracting MRSA at some point infections are something we have to stay on top of. Especially with a lowered immune thanks to the Cyclosporin. So, Jess is starting 09 on a myriad of drugs, but her overall health is much improved. This is a blessing.

My 2008.. gosh I don't even know where to begin. From having and losing a bf and a job, gaining a nephew, spending an lot of time in Perth with friends.. So much has happened. So much I haven't bloggged. I nearly lost Jessica in 08. The MRSA was very very bad by the time it was diagnosed and treated. Thankfully we just happened to be refered to Perth to specialists when we did. I'd hate to think what would have happened had we not got on the plane that morning (paid for by the health department to ensure Jessica got treatment asap. Thank you Dr Christine Jeffries-Stokes!). I had many highs and it seems all too many lows the last year. Friends have moved away, others got in touch after many many months of not hearing from them at all. One of the best things that happened was buying myself a sewing machine! I love my sewing machine.

Crafts wise I have done a lot since my last post! I've spent plenty of time hunched over my sewing machine that is. All other crafts have hit the back burner in a big way!! When it's not so hot I'll pick up some tatting again but for now, sewing is kinda mindless and soothing. I'd love to sell some work but I don't feel my skills are at that level yet. I need an overlocker (serger) too. There is so much I want to do and I just don't have the tools. Like a snap setter and snaps. They're so expensive! Well, the snaps are. I haven't seen a snap setter at all.

Jessica and I spent all of November in Perth. It was wonderful to get away from everything that was going on at home and to see friends and just feel free for a while. My nephew Hayden was welcomed into the world at this time and he's just so precious.

See for yourself;

This photo just melts my heart!!

During my time in Perth I went to Spotlight as they had a massive sale. They emailed me a coupon "spend over $100, get $40 off". I thought that was a great deal! So I grabbed a few things I've wanted but not bought in the past like Clover Bias Tape Makers, a cutting mat and roller cutter which I found in a package that also had a quilting ruler and the package was cheaper than any one item on its own and a ton of fabric. You have no idea how delighted I was when I put everything through the check out (and this took FORever cos I had 2 trolley loads of fabrics to get cut) and I'd spent $320 or so, but I only had to pay $240 or there abouts. The sale was more like 40% off!! For every $100 I spent, I got $40 off!! SWEET!! All of the patterned fabric I bought was less that $8/m or on sale. So I got some nice patchwork fabrics for a lot less than the $18.95/m they were originally. I also grabbed remnants. As I said, I got a mountain load of fabric..

Fat Quarters and Ikea Fabric (my first Ikea stuff)

How I have organised my fabric. Well... had organised...

Mum gave me money for Christmas as Jess had to be back at Princess Margaret Hospital in Perth just 3 days before Christmas. Mum figured I could buy myself something while there. Back to Spotlight I went! (and I don't think mum was too impressed about this lol). I bought some dress making shears, a sidewinder, some scrapbooking papers that were just so pretty, bobbins for my machine, fabric pen, some snaps and eyelets, ribbon and lace and a few more bits of fabric. I didn't spend all of what she gave me but I was so happy with the shears. The sidewider doesn't thrill me all that much. It needs some weight cos it shifts about the table a lot and it's just as annoying as threading the machine. My machine doesn't need the needle thread removed to wind a bobbin, so it's much of a muchness really. Now I am hoping like anything mum will buy me a serger... That last trip to Spotlight before xmas I looked for a kiddie sewing machine. Jessi wants one so bad! ToysRUs had plain blue and white ones and I had meant to grab one for her in November while we were there and plain forgot. Spotlight has Disney Princess and Dora the Explorer ones, and of course, she wants a Dora one! We did tell daddy and he and grandpop looked also but they were all sold out. She has a bday in Feb so I will do my utmost to buy her one then.

Here's what's been keeping me busy recently..

The kiddo

End of year school stuff

Family

Sewing

Papercrafts

Christmas of course

Perth all of November

New Years Eve 08

(PS, that is not MY bust!)

PS. I have HAD it with blogger! It took me HOURS (lets say 4 which is being kind!) to upload pics to this post. Then the time to drag them about delete the HUGE spaces uploading pics creates etc. There has to be an easier way to do this but I don't always want clickable photobucket thumbs and the bigger images distort. Help!

The creative in me emerges

2008-10-10T18:39:00.007-08:00

Ok, so once more it has been forever since I have blogged. I do think regularly about blogging, life just gets in the way. That, or the thought of penning words is really off putting! I have been semi-active recently. Something I am finding quite difficult at this point in time. I am feeling very angry about my break up and can't look back on the past year with anything but bitterness. No, it's not healthy and I know that. I am doing a pretty good job of moving on only there is little to move too. I had a deep and meaningful with a friend last night and we both agreed small towns are bad for your self esteem! There's no where to go, no one to meet etc.

On to the fun stuff! First off, my cousin celebrated her 21st last weekend and Jessica and I made her a little something. The pattern was from an American patchwork mag I bought on a whim. Why, cos I just saw the pic of this on the front and had to have it! It's not a bad mag either. I don't patchwork, but there's ideas and other patterns in there I may just use.

My cousin Jaimie, Nanna, Jaimie's little boy Blake, and my Jessica (yes she was nervous being that close to a balloon - Latex Allergy)

Jaimie's Bird

So then LeAnna requested one, and Jessi wanted to make one for our nan, and I'd made another just to see if I could sew it better. Cos really, my sewing is amateur!! And my handsewing (ie, closing stuffies) is so poor, and so visible. I will get better I know. The beaded hangers on a couple of those birds were made by Jess. I cut open some basic wire bracelets, twisted an end and let Jessi thread on beads, then looped the other end through the first to close. She LOVED the beading process. She also really enjoyed making the pink bird for Jaimie. By the time we got the the other birds she was more bored with the process.

I gave Jessi some scraps while I was cutting out and she was saying "flutter flutter flutter like a butterfly" (among other things which I wasn't really listening to as I was busy cutting). When I heard her talking of butterflies I asked to have her pieces a moment, and laid them on the work surface with 2 points together and said "it does look a bit like a butterfly, if you put this [bobby pin] here.." which is where she piped in "for a body!! yeah, yeah, do it like that!" so she snatched it up and tried threading the two points onto the bobby pin. They wouldn't stay. So mummy hand tacked the bobby pin to the bits of fabric! Butterfly has since gone to visit at nannas the weekend with Jess.

I also made a little owl. This little guy was made using ideas gathered from viewing other blogs. I spend hours some days/nights just pulling up blogs, clicking their links and looking at more blogs. There are some totally wonderful people out there sharing their work with us. I think the two who inspired my little owl most were SquirrelMomma (found via Softies Central) and LuckyKate Crafts. No patterns, no clear idea how to cut the shape. I literally sat down with felt and scissors and got this little guy. Clearly, he needs some darts at the bottom, and an inserted base so he can stand. Otherwise he is totally cute!! Dunno what to do with him now though *lol*

Also from LuckyKate Crafts I fell in LOVE with her tooth fairy doll with pocket for the tooth (and the cash) to be stowed safely. I think it would be easier to convince my little munchkin no imaginary tooth fairy or otherwise would be coming anywhere near her in her sleep to snatch a tooth from under her pillow. No matter how much she loves fairies AND money! The only reason Santa is allowed to sneak into this household is because he doesn't go near the bedrooms *lol*. She hates people in costume. I have a strange child cos she herself loves dressing up!! So to tell her to put the tooth in the pocket and the doll where she felt comfy would be a heaps better option.

Here is my doll (not nearly as gorgeous as Kate's!)

Mind, I did make her at 11pm or something ridiculous. The gorgeous stripy fabric is a scrap of a fat quarter so the pocket isn't doubled like I think Kate's is, I had to hem it (YUCK!). I also had a hard time finding a piece which the lines were even with those on the skirt. I thought it would look pretty messy if they didn't line up. I again freehand cut this. First sewed the pink to the stripes, then cut the doll. I had NO IDEA how to do the hair.. At all! It's a bit messy but looks cute enough. I don't think I stuffed the doll enough either. The tooth is take 2. The first one looked more like a heart with 2 points *lol* again cutting freehand at 12:30am! I don't recommend this peoples. I should have put the doll down to finish in the morning, but I just couldn't. Once I'm on a mission... Her eyes look a bit like they have an Asian influence (I mean absolutely nothing derogatory, just a description). Hand sewing is not my forte. As you can plainly see. I'm going to try out the plastic eyes I bought a while back but I didn't want to waste them on my prototype.

How sweet is this. Jessica asked if we could save the tooth fairy doll for "our baby". When asked what baby, she said for when we have a baby. Aww.. how cute! Poor kid is going ot be waiting a while, and I am surprised she didn't ask for the doll. She's not lost a tooth yet.

I've been making a variety of dummy clips (pacifier, soother chains to those international friends). They're getting near impossible to buy in the shops now days (no idea why when you have 20 different dummies to choose from!) and I thought my sister could use some for her baby due in November. Well, I started making them for my nephew, but soon decided to play around with them more. I've really enjoyed making these! It keeps me busy for a while. The ceramic dummy being used here is something we have for sale in our toy shop. I have one of each colour and our toy shop has tons of them! We blind ordered once and got some crazy items, these dummies included. At least *I* have a use for them *lol* No idea why someone would buy one... I also figure these chains could be used as pram/stroller/push chair/buggy toy savers buy looping the end which is currently on the dummy around a strap, bar etc on the pram and then clipping the other end to the toy/blanket/bib that baby is likely to toss from his or her pram. Pity we can't clip socks to little baby feet!!

A couple of weekends ago our local Volunteer Firebrigade held its centenary. I decided last minute to go and managed to scrounge up something semi-decent to wear. As a broke,single stay at home mum I have very little call for "after 5 wear" *lol*. This is my friend Cissy and I. I have the specs (oh hold on, I said that to an international friend once and they didn't have a clue what I meant. Specs is Aussie slang for glasses. aka, spectacles). I don't usually enjoy going out but I had good fun this night. And my cousins Jaimie and Joseph had me drinking Riccadonna. Of which we went through some 5-6 bottles! I wouldn't say I was drunk, but I don't usually drink, so I felt pretty odd. And I must say, I don't like how alcohol makes me feel.

I was really proud of how I did my hair that night with just the mirror I am using for the pic. I didn't have a second to hold behind me to see what I was doing so I am stoked with how it looked!! I just twisted and pinned :)

Oh, and I am TOTALLY inspired by Sewing Stars!! She does the most amazing works and everything looks so tidy and professional. Not to mention how jealous I am of her ability to draw/paint. Her little graphics are right up my alley! Insired as I am, I have asked a friend if she might be able to design me a versatile little graphic. I want to try selling some things and I want them to look professional. Like Sewing Stars work. I literally sat and went through every page of her blog, admiring her work, ooh'ing and ahh'ing over things and wishing I could draw. I would pay someone like Teresa (Sewing Stars) to design me some graphics to use, if I had any money. That would be the point of trying to sell some things, to help supplement my extremely minimal income (think less than $15,000AUD a year). Great stuff Teresa. Thanks for the eye candy!

Betrayed

2008-09-12T00:49:00.002-08:00

Jessica and I arrived safely home from Perth and Princess Margaret Hospital after 14day stay on Tues. Today is Friday and all that joy I felt at coming home is gone.

Basically, Neil's brother's girlfriend had more say in our relationship than I did. Neil tells me yesterday that he spoke to his brother about the wedding and that, well, yeah. Basically without saying it, that I'm not invited. Last night (cos he was still at work), I txt him and said I wanted to not make an issue of something but needed to understand. He asked "so what is this issue of yours?" and I said I'd like to know just what his brother said about the wedding and me not being invited (which I once was). He text back "he said Renee doesn't want you anywhere near her". Renee is the sister-in-law to be. I admitted that although I hadn't wanted to make an issue of it that this was a BIG problem. He asked what it meant for he and I, I said I'd rather talk in person.

He shows up not all that long later. I'm sitting on the floor balling my eyes out. He comes over and helps me up and holds me and wipes tears from my eyes. I ask him what ever did I do to his family? His nan made it clear a long time ago that she hated me, but his sis-in-law and I got on just fine the one and only time we met. He said he didn't know. I cried a whole lot more, said I didn't want to control him, just love him. That his family was being awful mean and that it must have been so hard for him. He said he wasn't sure he could take it if his family disowned him. I saw no reason he should be disowned! I did more talking, he did more cuddling. Very little was said from his side, as usual. Then he just walked to the door and started pulling on his shoes. I asked for my key, he pointed to the printer saying "it's there" and left. Just like that. Out my front door with me crying my heart out inside.

I don't believe for a moment he ould have chosen this path but for his family's wickedness. What does it say for the relationship we had though? 12 whole months worth! I thought Neil was the man I wanted to marry, have babies with. Well, looks like more fool me. It's definately over this time. I'd not take him back now. He could be kicked out of home and I'd pass him by in the street. I've only ever been good to his family, tried to understand and tollerate his mean nanna, work beside his hypercondriac mother and enquire the health of those who don't live close by.

I almost feel like this was a ply set up by him to get rid of me. But if that were so would he really have been so caring when he first came in last night, or when I got off the plane the other evening then why was he so playful and happy? It doesn't make sense. But, by him having that key all ready off his keyring and such implies he knew when he walked in that door he was walking out alone. Poor Jessica. She'd just got home from 2weeks in Perth missing him, hunting out a fathers day gift which she gave him with a picture she'd drawn of "our family", me her and Neil. She gave him candy saying "I *heart* dad" which he said he didn't want but I notice is gone now from where he left it.

All this started when he and his nan went over east some time ago I believe. It was when they returned that I was no longer welcome at his house, or to talk to his nanna. Had he been running me down? Given them bad impressions of me? I'll never know.

I'm sad. It's Friday night and Neil typically spent Friday night with me at my house, and most of Saturday. I feel so betrayed. He said he loved me. Even when he walked in the door last night he said he loved me. If this is how you treat someone you love...

I've tried to be a good person, a decent person, all my life. I'm really wondering just what I ever thought it ould do for me as thus far I've had nothing but a shit life! Nichola is moving back to Perth in 2wks time and once more I will be friendless.

I don't want much out of life. A simple kind of happiness. A nice house on some acreage in a quiet area somewhere with plenty of space to run and play and yell and scream. A husband to love well into old age, a couple more kids to prove to myself I'm not a failure as a parent. I'm not even fussed about having a career or owning a posh car or having hundereds of thousands of dollars in the bank. It means little if you are surrounded by people who love you. How do you ever know it's not just a sham?!

I want a man who's happy to give me a flower once in a while, who'd look at things I make with admiration or constructive criticism instead of sheer boredom, who doesn't want to walk in and out of our lives because I want to find the person who I can love forever, like grandma and pop. I want to be spoilt, but not with lavish holidays and expensive jewelry (though who'd complain if it was on offer) but with love, kindness, respect and understanding. I am so sick to death of giving my all to get so little in return. Jessica, as part of the hospital's craft activites, just gave Neil a certificate saying something like "worlds best step-dad" as part of her fathers day gift which included other handmade things from Jessi and $50 worth of clothes and boutique candy. I didn't even get a phone call for mothers day, nor a card for my birthday. Not to mention the horrid gifts HIS MOTHER gave him to give me for xmas! I'm not sniping I spent so much on him over the time, but it would just be nice to have that same kindess returned to some extent. Always giving, nver getting. It should be my life motto because it's been like that for a very long time.

I only have myself to blame. I let this happen. I never really said, but the last time we broke up as because I got a little too close to another man. I think even then I knew Neil and I weren't each others perfection. I just wanted it to be so and patched it up with him. It still bloody hurts! I feel so spiteful which is not my character, and I feel betrayed by the person I loved so completely, and to whom I gave my all.